thislucidLULLABY: -suddenly appears after two weeks-
KingxxOfxxFools: where the fuck have you been for two weeks?
thislucidLULLABY: hi
thislucidLULLABY: oh...uh...i sort of move to london...
thislucidLULLABY: :-\
KingxxOfxxFools: you WHAT?
thislucidLULLABY: yeah...
KingxxOfxxFools: why?
thislucidLULLABY: couldnt stay in adelaide anymore
thislucidLULLABY: how have you been
KingxxOfxxFools: wht do u mean couldnt stay in adelaide anymore.
KingxxOfxxFools: just out of no where up and leave?
thislucidLULLABY: erm
thislucidLULLABY: heh
thislucidLULLABY: yeah...i guess
KingxxOfxxFools: so what u like with kier now?
thislucidLULLABY: i sort of..walked out on a fight with him yesterday
KingxxOfxxFools: what?
thislucidLULLABY: yeah
thislucidLULLABY: i got tired of him questioning me
thislucidLULLABY: and yelling at me
thislucidLULLABY: course i was yelling too
thislucidLULLABY: :-\
KingxxOfxxFools: :-(
thislucidLULLABY: you didnt answer my question
KingxxOfxxFools: what?
thislucidLULLABY: how have you been?
KingxxOfxxFools: fucking fantastic.
thislucidLULLABY: o.o
thislucidLULLABY: sorry i asked
KingxxOfxxFools: yeah.
thislucidLULLABY: i'm sorry benji
thislucidLULLABY: that i didnt talk to you
thislucidLULLABY: i just really didnt feel up to... anything...
KingxxOfxxFools: yeah
thislucidLULLABY: i'm sorry
thislucidLULLABY: i didn't... i don't know what to say right now
KingxxOfxxFools: why say anything
thislucidLULLABY: i just thought... nix is out right now... and i just felt to...umm... nevermind
thislucidLULLABY: i'll just leave you alone
KingxxOfxxFools: no what
thislucidLULLABY: i just thought i'd try to get my life back on some sort of track
KingxxOfxxFools: so...your at nix's house now then
thislucidLULLABY: yeah
KingxxOfxxFools: good
thislucidLULLABY: benji?
thislucidLULLABY: :-\
KingxxOfxxFools: yeah?
thislucidLULLABY: im sorry alright
thislucidLULLABY: i really am
KingxxOfxxFools: its okay..
thislucidLULLABY: well it sure doesnt feel that way
KingxxOfxxFools: i was just worried.
KingxxOfxxFools: reese hadn't talked to u..i hadn't talked to u..i was worried.
thislucidLULLABY: i[m sorry benji
thislucidLULLABY: things have just been...really fucked
KingxxOfxxFools: its okay
thislucidLULLABY: i mean i wouldnt even know where to start
thislucidLULLABY: heh
KingxxOfxxFools: :-(
KingxxOfxxFools: i wish i could help
thislucidLULLABY: i just... i found out a lot about kieren.. and i told him about... umm...
thislucidLULLABY: what happened when we were there in maryland
KingxxOfxxFools: oh..
KingxxOfxxFools: well..
KingxxOfxxFools: i guess he wasnt too happy huh?
thislucidLULLABY: yeah :-\
KingxxOfxxFools: im sorry...
KingxxOfxxFools: i..yeah..
KingxxOfxxFools: im sorry but im not.
KingxxOfxxFools: if that makes sense.
thislucidLULLABY: :-\it does
thislucidLULLABY: i'm not sorry about anything that i should be...
KingxxOfxxFools: im not either..
KingxxOfxxFools: but its like
KingxxOfxxFools: you seem unhappy with kier.
KingxxOfxxFools: alot
thislucidLULLABY: i think thats part of why i left...
KingxxOfxxFools: well then it is good u did
thislucidLULLABY: i dont know... what i'm doing right now.
thislucidLULLABY: nix just... he wants me to be... yeah... i dont know.
KingxxOfxxFools: he wants..what
thislucidLULLABY: he doesnt want me to go back
KingxxOfxxFools: to kier?
thislucidLULLABY: yeah
thislucidLULLABY: and i dont want to.
thislucidLULLABY: i just.. i dont know, benji
KingxxOfxxFools: if you dont want to go..dont
KingxxOfxxFools: make yourself happy for once.
thislucidLULLABY: i was happy
thislucidLULLABY: until phoenix came back in
thislucidLULLABY: and then... i realized that what i was wasnt happy
KingxxOfxxFools: yeah
KingxxOfxxFools: *dials your cell and waits*
thislucidLULLABY: ...
thislucidLULLABY: i sold it... -gulps a little-
thislucidLULLABY: but if you want... nix's number...
thislucidLULLABY: -scratch-
KingxxOfxxFools: :-[
KingxxOfxxFools: why aren't you answering your cell?
thislucidLULLABY: what cell?
thislucidLULLABY: oh um...
thislucidLULLABY: i sort of got rid of it...
thislucidLULLABY: but if you want... nix's number...
KingxxOfxxFools: nevermind
thislucidLULLABY: n...no... -goes and gets the cordless, dialing in the number form memory and hoping its right-
KingxxOfxxFools: *hears my phone ring and sighs, not recognizing the number and not wanting to talk to anyone really, answers* what?
thislucidLULLABY: benji
KingxxOfxxFools: *sighs a little* yes?
thislucidLULLABY: why are you so pissed off at me? -a little frustrated-
KingxxOfxxFools: wouldn't YOU be if i had dropped off of the face of the planet? and you wanted to talk to me but you couldnt. because i sold my phone and didnt tell anyone where i was going?
thislucidLULLABY: -bites my lip- b...benji... i just... i wasnt in a good way... i'm sorry...
KingxxOfxxFools: *swallows and says really softly* i just wanted to talk to you..
thislucidLULLABY: i wasnt talking much -sudden, answering softly-
KingxxOfxxFools: *swallows* oh.
thislucidLULLABY: i just..wasnt thinking straight
KingxxOfxxFools: yeah...*picking at my pants.
thislucidLULLABY: you know what
thislucidLULLABY: ask me benji
thislucidLULLABY: i know you want to know
KingxxOfxxFools: *whispers* w-why didnt u want to tell me.
KingxxOfxxFools: w-why werent u talking for two weeks..
KingxxOfxxFools: *hurt in voice*
thislucidLULLABY: i...benji...had a bad run in with someone...-small laugh-
KingxxOfxxFools: *swallows* oh...
KingxxOfxxFools: *doesnt wanna press the issue*
thislucidLULLABY: took a whole bottle of vicodin...kieren found me though...-small voice-
KingxxOfxxFools: *eyes widden* WHAT!?
thislucidLULLABY: y...yeah...i just...really didn't want to feel...i was laying around kierens flat for the whole two weeks... i shoved him off me so many times...screamed at him...i felt like...nothing...-feels like crying right now, curled up on nix's couch now-
KingxxOfxxFools: *swallows* b-but..but why...i-i mean whyd u..
thislucidLULLABY: chuck broke into my house...-trails-
KingxxOfxxFools: *eyes widden* w-wha...no...*swallows*
thislucidLULLABY: yeah..i sort of...yeah...he's a lot stronger than i am and...-very softly, trying to breathe-
KingxxOfxxFools: *swallows* shh..caid..no...its..its okay...
thislucidLULLABY: n...no..i just want you to know... i didn't forget you, benji... i just... really wasnt thinking... nix made me realize...i can get over it... and i just... yeah
KingxxOfxxFools: im so..im so sorry caid...i...god..
thislucidLULLABY: dont be sorry benji
thislucidLULLABY: -small laugh- nix... nix asked me to marry him yesterday.. i think hes so scared im going to go back...
thislucidLULLABY: funny, huh? -saracstic laugh-
KingxxOfxxFools: *swallows* he...he asked u to marry him?
thislucidLULLABY: yeah... i don't... i think he's just really scared -repeating self-
KingxxOfxxFools: ...i think he just really loves u.
thislucidLULLABY: -thinking in head 'hope so'-
thislucidLULLABY: i...
thislucidLULLABY: i think i'm going to leave kieren...
thislucidLULLABY: i can't stay with him, even if i'm not with phoenix
KingxxOfxxFools: i think you need to leave him.
thislucidLULLABY: me too -bites lip, hearing the door handle jingle-
thislucidLULLABY: nix is home...may...maybe i should go...
KingxxOfxxFools: *swallows* a-alright...bye caid...love you...
thislucidLULLABY: -smiles a little, looking up at nix as he comes in-
thislucidLULLABY: you too, benj... i'll talk to you later...
KingxxOfxxFools: alright..bye *sighs and hangs*
thislucidLULLABY: -clicks the off button on the phone-
KingxxOfxxFools: *ish sad*
thislucidLULLABY: -gets back on the computer, smiling a little as phoenix greets me
KingxxOfxxFools: *sits there staring at the screen feels like imma cry*
thislucidLULLABY: back
KingxxOfxxFools: hi
thislucidLULLABY: sorry about that
thislucidLULLABY: i know i say too much for my own good sometimes
KingxxOfxxFools: no..its okay
KingxxOfxxFools: god caid why didnt u just tell me
thislucidLULLABY: i didnt know how to say it
thislucidLULLABY: i had to hold phoenix down when i told him... :-\
thislucidLULLABY: so
thislucidLULLABY: besides fucking fantastic
thislucidLULLABY: how are you
KingxxOfxxFools: sucky.
thislucidLULLABY: :-\
thislucidLULLABY: im sorry benj
KingxxOfxxFools: its okay
KingxxOfxxFools: not your fault
thislucidLULLABY: howre reese and sarah...
KingxxOfxxFools: they're good
thislucidLULLABY: good :-)
KingxxOfxxFools: fucking perfect as usual
thislucidLULLABY: eh..not always usual
thislucidLULLABY: but at least someones relationship isnt too fucked, right?
KingxxOfxxFools: yeah
thislucidLULLABY: still pissed at reese?
thislucidLULLABY: lol
KingxxOfxxFools: ehhh
KingxxOfxxFools: not a lot
thislucidLULLABY: alright
thislucidLULLABY: im a little pissed with him too over it
thislucidLULLABY: heh
thislucidLULLABY: like i should talk
KingxxOfxxFools: yeah me too
KingxxOfxxFools: but....he made up for it i guess.
thislucidLULLABY: :-)
thislucidLULLABY: alright
thislucidLULLABY: well i have to go...gonna get some breakfast
KingxxOfxxFools: aw okay
thislucidLULLABY: before i go though
thislucidLULLABY: whats so sucky?
KingxxOfxxFools: havn't talked to joel in two days.
KingxxOfxxFools: kinda sucks when you live in the same house. much less the same room
thislucidLULLABY: what happened?
KingxxOfxxFools: who the fuck knows.
KingxxOfxxFools: we got in this huge fucking fight over a song.
KingxxOfxxFools: a FUCKING song.
thislucidLULLABY: o.o
thislucidLULLABY: what kind of fight
thislucidLULLABY: over a song?
KingxxOfxxFools: and things just escalated
KingxxOfxxFools: a song i wrote..
KingxxOfxxFools: and how "no...no your playing it too fast her."
KingxxOfxxFools: *here
KingxxOfxxFools: "no..u shouldnt do that here"
KingxxOfxxFools: its like you know what
KingxxOfxxFools: let HIM fucking pick up a guitar and fucking learn how to play in fucking montsh
KingxxOfxxFools: *months
KingxxOfxxFools: *sigh*
thislucidLULLABY: haha
thislucidLULLABY: yeah...
thislucidLULLABY: fuck i miss my guitars now
thislucidLULLABY: he'll get over it
thislucidLULLABY: just give him time
thislucidLULLABY: but yeah... i'm gonna go... i'll talk to you later, eh?
KingxxOfxxFools: eh i was being a bitch tho
KingxxOfxxFools: but i am NOT apologzing.
KingxxOfxxFools: okay
thislucidLULLABY: you might not have to
thislucidLULLABY: maybe he'll come ot you
thislucidLULLABY: lol
KingxxOfxxFools: yeah..
KingxxOfxxFools: bye bye
thislucidLULLABY: alright... bye benj
KingxxOfxxFools: i found more pictures of myself on someones camera. hah.
KingxxOfxxFools: :-[
KingxxOfxxFools: caiidennn
thislucidLULLABY: o.o
KingxxOfxxFools: hi
KingxxOfxxFools: caiden?
thislucidLULLABY: benji
KingxxOfxxFools: you no speak
thislucidLULLABY: sorry
thislucidLULLABY: i was just thinking about something
KingxxOfxxFools: oh..
KingxxOfxxFools: sorry
KingxxOfxxFools: i can leave u alone
thislucidLULLABY: no its alright
KingxxOfxxFools: i found some pictures on someons camera...
thislucidLULLABY: ...
thislucidLULLABY: cool
KingxxOfxxFools: if u..wanna see.
KingxxOfxxFools: or not.
KingxxOfxxFools: i'll talk to you later
thislucidLULLABY: i want to see
thislucidLULLABY: wants to directly connect (:: PM).
KingxxOfxxFools: declines request; no connection was made. (Note: For best results, you and your buddy should use the latest version of AIM.) (:: PM).
KingxxOfxxFools: <>:o
thislucidLULLABY: wants to directly connect (:: PM).
KingxxOfxxFools: declines request; no connection was made. (Note: For best results, you and your buddy should use the latest version of AIM.) (:: PM).
thislucidLULLABY: ssshhoooww caiden
thislucidLULLABY: wants to directly connect (:: PM).
KingxxOfxxFools: declines request; no connection was made. (Note: For best results, you and your buddy should use the latest version of AIM.) (:: PM).
KingxxOfxxFools: NOOOOOOOO
KingxxOfxxFools: *pout*
thislucidLULLABY: :-(
KingxxOfxxFools: meanie
thislucidLULLABY: but i want to undress you with my eyes
thislucidLULLABY: -sniff-
KingxxOfxxFools: lmao
KingxxOfxxFools: wants to directly connect (:: PM).
KingxxOfxxFools: is now directly connected (:: PM).
KingxxOfxxFools: old..dunno how it was still on there..
KingxxOfxxFools:
KingxxOfxxFools: ..heh.
KingxxOfxxFools: my face is weird i know.
thislucidLULLABY: your face is hot
thislucidLULLABY: -licks it-
KingxxOfxxFools: haha
thislucidLULLABY: it is
thislucidLULLABY: and your shoulders are fucking sexy
KingxxOfxxFools: :-[
KingxxOfxxFools: stooooppp
thislucidLULLABY: they are though
thislucidLULLABY: want me to lie to you
KingxxOfxxFools: wants to directly connect (:: PM).
KingxxOfxxFools: is now directly connected (:: PM).
thislucidLULLABY: :-D
KingxxOfxxFools: i kinda jumped in the pic with billy and aaron..hah
thislucidLULLABY: i see the patch
thislucidLULLABY: haha
thislucidLULLABY: btw
thislucidLULLABY: i love that patch
thislucidLULLABY: seriously
thislucidLULLABY: so
thislucidLULLABY: get an interesting call this evening
KingxxOfxxFools: huh?
thislucidLULLABY: ?
KingxxOfxxFools: wants to directly connect (:: PM).
KingxxOfxxFools: is now directly connected (:: PM).
KingxxOfxxFools:
KingxxOfxxFools: what about an interesting call?
KingxxOfxxFools: i found that in my stuff..heh. from the mall..obviously
thislucidLULLABY: hawt
KingxxOfxxFools: what about an interesting call
KingxxOfxxFools: OH
KingxxOfxxFools: that..call..
KingxxOfxxFools: heh
KingxxOfxxFools: O:-)
thislucidLULLABY: yeah... kick nix's ass for that one...
KingxxOfxxFools: it was hot.
thislucidLULLABY: you should of been on my end
thislucidLULLABY: haha
KingxxOfxxFools: and u should have been on mine ;-)
KingxxOfxxFools: It was a very nice end to be on ;-)
thislucidLULLABY: o.o
thislucidLULLABY: im not sure i want to know
thislucidLULLABY: haha
KingxxOfxxFools: yeah it might leave u in a bad place...
thislucidLULLABY: so what was he talking to you about
KingxxOfxxFools: huh?
thislucidLULLABY: phoenix
thislucidLULLABY: i know youw ere on the phone with each other when he was here
thislucidLULLABY: :-\
KingxxOfxxFools: and u know this how?
thislucidLULLABY: i'm psychic
thislucidLULLABY: what did you say to him
thislucidLULLABY: :-[
KingxxOfxxFools: nothing
thislucidLULLABY: ...
thislucidLULLABY: is nothing why he told me he would "wait for me"?
thislucidLULLABY: benji?
thislucidLULLABY: :-\
thislucidLULLABY: stop ignoring me
thislucidLULLABY: <>:o
KingxxOfxxFools: i just...he called u his boyfriend...and then..freaked cause he called u his boyfriend and u..arent..
thislucidLULLABY: what was so fucking hard about that
KingxxOfxxFools: :-[
thislucidLULLABY: i dont know what the hell he wants me to do
thislucidLULLABY: i really dont
KingxxOfxxFools: its all my fault
thislucidLULLABY: uh huh... right....
thislucidLULLABY: because nix DOESNT have a mind of his own...-sarcasm-
KingxxOfxxFools: because i was pushing him to tell u
thislucidLULLABY: ...why?
thislucidLULLABY: why did you push him, i mean
KingxxOfxxFools: i dont know..
KingxxOfxxFools: i mean
KingxxOfxxFools: he said u didnt feel the same way
KingxxOfxxFools: i know u did..
thislucidLULLABY: why does he have to make things complicated
KingxxOfxxFools: he doesnt.
KingxxOfxxFools: u are.
thislucidLULLABY: so trying to maintain my life is giving myself complications?
KingxxOfxxFools: no
KingxxOfxxFools: lying to yourself and denying something that you know is good for u is.
thislucidLULLABY: heh.
thislucidLULLABY: well excuse me for feeling secure where i am right now
thislucidLULLABY: (totally lying)
KingxxOfxxFools: oh come off it
thislucidLULLABY: come off WHAT
KingxxOfxxFools: your LYING to yourself. and to me. just the other day what did u tell me? u called me up telling me u loved him! u LOVED nix.
KingxxOfxxFools: *LOVE
thislucidLULLABY: well i love kieren more
thislucidLULLABY: does that make me a hypocrit or myself
thislucidLULLABY: -so doesnt love kier more-
KingxxOfxxFools: yeah sure..whatever caid
thislucidLULLABY: and what makes you think you can tell him this shit
thislucidLULLABY: did you TELL him everything i say to you
KingxxOfxxFools: i didnt tell him ANYTHING
KingxxOfxxFools: not a thing.
KingxxOfxxFools: i didnt say that u loved him
thislucidLULLABY: it doesnt sound like it
KingxxOfxxFools: i didnt
KingxxOfxxFools: im NOT gonna lie to him. but i didnt tell him u loved him. he didnt ask. i didnt say. i just said maybe he should tell YOU how he feels
KingxxOfxxFools: i thought maybe that would knock some sense into your brain
KingxxOfxxFools: but i guess it didnt
thislucidLULLABY: you just wanted to put me in the same place i was a few nights ago
thislucidLULLABY: you hate kieren dont you?
thislucidLULLABY: and you dont even know him.
KingxxOfxxFools: i dont hate him
KingxxOfxxFools: and what do u mean the same place
thislucidLULLABY: where i'm questioning everything
thislucidLULLABY: before he came here
thislucidLULLABY: i was fucking FINE
KingxxOfxxFools: right
KingxxOfxxFools: u were fine.
thislucidLULLABY: yeah
thislucidLULLABY: i fucking wa
KingxxOfxxFools: yeah...u were.
KingxxOfxxFools: saying how close we were....calling ME up when you were horny..instead of your BOYFRIEND
thislucidLULLABY: ...
KingxxOfxxFools: i dont even think you love kieren all that much. i think you like the fact that someone loves you.
KingxxOfxxFools: which to put it bluntly isnt hard to find. you chose someoen far away from you because they couldnt hurt u like chuck did.
KingxxOfxxFools: and then u have someone whose willing to come to you and u shove it away because you dont wanna get hurt.
thislucidLULLABY: I dont want to hurt people like i got hurt
thislucidLULLABY: im not selfish
KingxxOfxxFools: i didnt say you wanted to hurt anyone
KingxxOfxxFools: i just think that all of this is in your subconcious.
KingxxOfxxFools: it seems perfect.
KingxxOfxxFools: because it is..because u cant get hurt with kieren
thislucidLULLABY: ...
thislucidLULLABY: what are you now
thislucidLULLABY: my psychologist
thislucidLULLABY: coming from the guy who gives his sisters boyfriend a blowjob?
KingxxOfxxFools: we were high.....u know what...fuck this
KingxxOfxxFools: do what you want with u life screw it up as much as u want
thislucidLULLABY: you were high
thislucidLULLABY: right
thislucidLULLABY: because that covers up all the bad things in life
thislucidLULLABY: "oh, i was stoned. i killed someone. oh. oops."
KingxxOfxxFools: shut the fuck up caiden
thislucidLULLABY: below the belt?
KingxxOfxxFools: maybe YOU should tell yourself the same things huh?
thislucidLULLABY: I DON'T REGRET THE THINGS I DO WHEN I'M FUCKED UP
thislucidLULLABY: anything I do when i am is somhing i WANT
KingxxOfxxFools: so you want to call me instead of your boyfriend when your high?
KingxxOfxxFools: should tell you something RIGHT there.
thislucidLULLABY: not my fault you're always flirting with me on here
thislucidLULLABY: -coughs, totally knows thats a lie-
KingxxOfxxFools: ME? im not the only one that flirts.
thislucidLULLABY: -closing eyes,scratching my head-
KingxxOfxxFools: ...
thislucidLULLABY: just
thislucidLULLABY: whatever benji
KingxxOfxxFools: what?
thislucidLULLABY: what.
KingxxOfxxFools: just gonna drop it?
KingxxOfxxFools: "whatever benji"
thislucidLULLABY: might as fucking well
KingxxOfxxFools: because u know im right
thislucidLULLABY: whatever benji
thislucidLULLABY: yeah you're right
thislucidLULLABY: the all knowing benji
KingxxOfxxFools: yep.
thislucidLULLABY: ...
thislucidLULLABY: what about you
thislucidLULLABY: huh?
thislucidLULLABY: "i love tony....no wait...matt!"
thislucidLULLABY: "no no...my BROTHER. yeah, that sounds about right."
KingxxOfxxFools: shut up caiden...
thislucidLULLABY: you cant decide who you love, can you?
KingxxOfxxFools: i KNOW who i love.
KingxxOfxxFools: this isn't about me.
KingxxOfxxFools: this is about you.
thislucidLULLABY: my aaron carter cd is mislabeled. excuse me while i go cry...
thislucidLULLABY: -being stupid-
KingxxOfxxFools: whatever caiden.
thislucidLULLABY: uhhuh
KingxxOfxxFools: just fucking forget it.
thislucidLULLABY: fucking forgotten
KingxxOfxxFools: good.
KingxxOfxxFools: bye
thislucidLULLABY: why do you always make me cry
thislucidLULLABY: god
thislucidLULLABY: you're as bad as phoenix
KingxxOfxxFools: caid..i didnt..mean to...or anything.
KingxxOfxxFools: if it helps u made me feel like scum from the bottom of the earth..
KingxxOfxxFools: and not just the bottom..the scum BELOW that.
thislucidLULLABY: :-\
KingxxOfxxFools: why are u crying...
thislucidLULLABY: because
thislucidLULLABY: that really fucking hurt benji
KingxxOfxxFools: i didnt mean to hurt..i just....
KingxxOfxxFools: i wanted to try to help.
KingxxOfxxFools: then u started saying things..so i started saying things..
thislucidLULLABY: i know
thislucidLULLABY: you're right though yaknow
thislucidLULLABY: you always fucking are
KingxxOfxxFools: im sorry?
thislucidLULLABY: :-\why are you always right
KingxxOfxxFools: because i over analyze things...
thislucidLULLABY: no
thislucidLULLABY: you dont
thislucidLULLABY: you analyze just the right amount
KingxxOfxxFools: i didnt mean to hurt u
thislucidLULLABY: to truth hurts
KingxxOfxxFools: im sorry...