Phoenix (3:15:31 PM): I stood at the corner, the rain pouring down on me. I saw you in the window, dancing to music I couldn't hear, that soft, crooked smile on your face. All I wanted was to reach out...to go to your door...to take you into my arms and kiss you till we were both breathless

I wasnt a patient person. I wasn't one to sit on the sidelines and let life pass me by. But you were with Chuck. What was I supposed to do? I went to the airport and couldn't leave. It fucking hurt so damn much. I needed you like I needed air. And with a look of determination, I stepped forward, rain soaking me, and climbed the fire escape.

There I stood for about ten minutes. I watched you move around your room, now hearing Rancid and smiling softly.The rain had long since made my clothes stick to me...my hair was plastered to my cheeks. And with a shaking hand, I reached out and tapped the window.

My breath caught in my throat when you jumped, startled and nearly fell over your desk. I bit my lip. There was no going back. I couldn't sneak away...because you'd just seen me..and your brown eyes widened in disbelief. Then you were walking towards the window, opening it and my heart slamming in my chest, I climbed inside. I barely had time to react before you slapped me across the face. Hell, I'd been expecting that. Then you were muttering obscenities and hitting my chest, tears rushing over your tan, freckled cheeks. And I took it. I stood there and let you yell...let you hit me...and I cried as well...

I grabbed your wrists and you kicked me instead. Then I dropped your hands and you punched me in the stomach, knocking the breath out of me. "Cai..." I tried to speak but couldn't over the lump in my throat. "YOU LEFT ME! You FUCKING left me! I waited for you! You promised me you'd be there! YOU PROMISED!" You landed another kick to my ribs and I doubled over. "Cai...stop..." I grabbed you again, this time wrapping my arms tightly around you. You struggled, of course, still cursing at me and trying to kick me again. "Caiden please...Caiden, stop. Caiden, I LOVE YOU!" Your body stilled and there was no sound in the room except for the rain pouring outside.

I don't think I took a breath for a long moment. Then I slowly pulled away from you and our eyes met. Your own bright and shining with tears. "You...I..."You trailed off, tears slipping over your cheeks again. "But you...and she said...and..." You looked so lost...so broken...I cupped your cheeks, thumbing away the tears. "Let me stay with you and I'll tell you everything...all I want is to love you, Caiden Stofliars...I never wanted anything else..."

Your lower lip trembled, but you bit down on it and nodded slightly, moving away from me. I stood there in the middle of the room, letting out a small breath of air and glancing out the window. "I never meant to leave, Cai...I swear that to you...I thought...well...she kicked me out...after she found out how I felt about you...which...well....you know because of the letter..."

You glanced up, wiping at your cheeks. "W-What letter?" I glanced at you, blinking incredulously. "She...didn't give you the letter?" My heart sank. So he hadn't even received it. It wasn't that he hadn't cared...it was because he hadn't known. So I broke down and told him about the letter I'd written...about how I'd given it to her for you. You stared up at me, eyes searching my face. I saw the pain reflected in the brown pools. I knew you thought I'd abandoned you. "Cai...Twink...I'm sorry...I would never have left you...if I thought I'd had a choice...but then...I just couldn't take it....I had to come back...I had to see you...you were the only thing in my life that made it worth living..."

I bit on my bottom lip, sucking it into my mouth nervously, teeth clinking against my lipring. I couldn't look at you. I didn't know what you were thinking...what you felt. I was scared that you'd reject me...tell me to leave....and the thought of that was a pain I couldn't bear.

You didn't seem to have words to speak. You simply nodded. I guess that was better than you yelling at me and telling me to leave. I'd take it. You rubbed at your face, running a hand through your hair and said that you had to go to sleep for school in the morning. "Yeah...of course..." I bit down on my lip, not knowing what to do now. "You...can lay with me..."Your voice was low, almost inaudible. I just slipped out of my wet pants and shirt, setting them over a chair and came to the bed. You moved over, sliding to the edge and curling up. I laid down, not touching you, and turned on my side. This hadn't been what I expected...not at all...but I wasn't disappointed. I fell asleep with the faintest smile on my face.

I don't remember what the hell happened...but all of a sudden you were shaking me awake and practically dragging me to your closet. I stumbled after you, half-asleep as you shoved me inside, tossing my clothes in with me. "W-Wha's going on?" I mumbled. "It's my mum! Stay. Quiet." You hissed, shutting the door and I stood there in the darkness. I heard her talking to you, telling your "faggot ass" to get dressed. That you weren't going to be late again or she'd slap you right upside your head. I cringed, a part of me angered and the other part wondering what had happened to the woman she'd used to be...

After a long moment, you opened the closet door again and stood in front of me, face drawn and weary. "She's gotten so much better since you left," you muttered bitterly. "Cai.."I dropped the clothes and took you into my arms. All I wanted to do now was hold you...keep holding you till all the hurt in the world that had ever tainted you just went away. If only I had that power.

You startled me when you pushed me away. I blinked at you, wondering what it was that I had done wrong. "Cai..."But you turned away and headed out of the room, moat likely to go to the bathroom. I didn't know what had happened. I was confused. I just stood there, looking at the closed door and then down at my wrinkled clothes on the floor.

I sat down at the desk, laying my pants and shirt over my lap. I stared at my hands...at the ring on my thumb...and the tattoo around my wrist. My mind was going thousands of miles a minute. I didn't know what to think anymore.

You came back into the room in nothing but a towel and I instantly made my gaze fall to the floor. You said something about clothes in the wardrobe I could try but I just sat there. My heart slammed in my chest. I wanted to touch you. God...how I ached to touch you. And still it felt wrong....

I clasped my hands tightly between my legs, determined not to look up. If I didn't look up, I could keep myself in this chair. But one glance at your tanned skin, dripping with water and I'd be done for. "You gonna get the clothes?" You asked. "Er...in a minute..." -Don't look up, Phoenix. Don't you dare...dont you dare...- But I did...and fuck...oh god, in heaven...the towel had slipped just below your hips. Perfect, sharp hipbones. I got to my feet. I couldn't stand it. I turned you, arms encircled around your waist and stared down into your eyes. I wanted you..needed you....to feel and consume you. And I knew when you didn't look away, that there was no way you couldn't see that passion burning in my eyes.

I reached up a hand and gently stroked your cheek. All I needed at the moment was you in my arms. Just the warmth of your body against mine. The beating of your heart...the feel of your pulse beneath my fingertips as I slid my hand down the side of your neck. "Cai...if I have to spend forever making it up to you, I'll do it...whatever I have to. Because that's how much I love you." My hand dropped to your shoulder, touching wet skin there. "I owe you an explanation...I know that...but I don't even know where to start."
Caiden (7:05:48 PM): "After I get dried off, maybe."
Phoenix (7:08:34 PM): I cringed, letting go of you. Of course you were upset with me still. I heard it in your voice. I didn't expect you to just up and forgive me. "A-All right..." I went and sat back down at the desk chair, clasping my hands once more.
Caiden (7:09:34 PM): -takes off into the other room, shutting the door of the bathroom maybe a little hard. doesnt come out until i hear the front door slam, walks into room and sits on bed, looking at you-
Phoenix (7:11:34 PM): I sighed, chewing at my lip. What was I supposed to say? How did I even start? --Well, Cai, I'm sorry I abandoned you, but see, my aunt thought I was a pervert and threatened to put me in jail if I didn't leave-- Yeah, right....I couldn't say that....could I? I thought about it...it was the truth after all...So I said it....quietly, voice barely above a whisper, feeling like the pervert my aunt accused me of being.
Caiden (7:12:20 PM): -pulls legs up under himself- "You should have taken me with you..."
Phoenix (7:13:18 PM): "If it were that easy, I would have. I'd have been charged with kidnapping, Cai...then I'd of been in jail for sure."
Caiden (7:18:20 PM): "You could have done something... you could have done anything! Why would you trust her with a letter, Phoenix!"

Phoenix (7:19:53 PM): "I don't know, Caiden! I was stupid...I was scared...and a part of me still wanted to trust her...I don't fucking know! I was an idiot, all right? I fucked up and I left you here. I let her bully me and I ran away."
Caiden (7:21:45 PM): "How do you trust someone that ruins lives?"
Caiden (7:22:09 PM): "How did you let yourself trust someone that made my life hell for the past two years?"
Phoenix (7:22:31 PM): I furrowed my brows. "I...what do you mean...?"
Caiden (7:23:04 PM): "If she could tell you to stay away from me, did you really think that she would let a letter get to me about you? She wnated me to hate you."
Caiden (7:23:35 PM): "And I'm trying so hard right now not to hate you..."
Phoenix (7:25:41 PM): I hung my head. Closing my eyes, I felt a pain in my chest. His words stung...more than anything. What could I say to that? "A stupid part of me thought I was protecting you...thought she'd leave you be if I...if I listened to her..if I pretended not to love you....that she'd just give it up...you can hate me, Cai...you can go ahead and hate me f or the rest of your life. But I've already condemned myself to hell for what I did. And you can't hate me more than I hate myself..."
Caiden (7:26:43 PM): "Did you tell me that you loved me?”

Caiden (7:26:44 PM): "
Phoenix (7:27:38 PM): I glanced up, confused. "What do you mean, did I tell you?"
Caiden (7:27:49 PM): "In the letter... did you say that you loved me?"
Phoenix (7:28:40 PM): "I...yes, I did...that's what the letter was for...to tell you what I couldn't..."
Caiden (7:29:38 PM): "She wanted you to pretend... she wanted to hurt me.. she want to fuck us over, it's not that hard to understand. Why in fucking HELL would she give me a letter that told me all about how you felt?!"
Phoenix (7:32:20 PM): "I don't know, GODDAMMIT!" I launched to my feet, pacing and running fingers through my hair. "She had me scared shitless, all right? And confused...I just asked her to do it...I know it was dumb....I know that I shouldn't have trusted her. But maybe a part of me hoped you wouldn't get it...so then you would hate me...and...it wouldn't hurt so much that I didn't have you..." My shoulders sagged, all the fight gone out of me. I couldn't say in words what I felt anymore...words just failed me anyway...
Caiden (7:33:43 PM): "Why would you want me to hate you? When you... fuck... when you left... when you went wherever the fuck you did... why didn't you call? Write me? ANYTHING? You should have realized... "
Phoenix (7:35:17 PM): I glanced at you, searching your face. "I should have realized what, Caiden? Was I supposed to be psychic? I just fled...I had it in my head that she was gonna pull that shit...and I thought if I disappeared she couldn't hurt you anymore than I had already....I thought maybe with Chuck and them around...you could just forget about me...I never realized I'd cause you this much pain...."
Caiden (7:36:35 PM): "IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE... HOW THE HELL COULDN'T YOU TELL!? YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND!"
Phoenix (7:37:32 PM): I cringed again, this time biting down hard onto my bottom lip. "Because I'm a blind fucking idiot, all right?! What was I supposed to see, Caiden? Tell me! What??"
Caiden (7:38:07 PM): -insert crying like crazy-
Caiden (7:39:00 PM): "You were supposed to see that I'd be here no matter what... you could have... you could have wait a month... two months... we could have found a way to at least staybin fucking touch! And do you really think my mother would care enough about me to charge you with ANYTHING? She barely knows I’m here!"
Phoenix (7:41:51 PM): "I KNOW, CAIDEN! FUCK! I KNOW!" I gripped the ends of my hair. "Goddammit all to hell!" I grabbed my pants and slid them back on, tugging the wet shirt over my head. "I was completely fucking miserable withouty you, but I did it because I loved you. That was the only thought I had in my head. I loved you, so I left. It was me that fucked up! Me that let her find out! Ididn't want her to take it out on you...or tell your mum...THAT'S WHY I LEFT! You were the only one I had in my heart and my soul...behind my eyes when I slept! I can't apologize anymore, Caiden! I can't give you back the last two years! I can't give you anything you need!"
Caiden (7:43:53 PM): "I DON'T WANT YOU TO APOLOGIZE! I WANT MY LIFE BACK! I WANT EVERYTHING BACK THAT WENT WITH YOU! -ahem. screaming-"
Phoenix (7:44:59 PM): I blinked, caught off-guard. And all I could do was shake my head over and over again. "There is nothing I can do to bring that back to you....it's lost, Cai...it's all lost..." Freah tears slipped over my cheeks and it hurt to breathe.
Caiden (7:45:54 PM): "... I know."
Phoenix (7:47:09 PM): I stepped towards the window. Staying here made my heart clench in my chest and my lungs feel like they were being squeezed.
Caiden (7:49:00 PM): "If you're not here to help me, then why are you?"
Phoenix (7:50:01 PM): I stopped at the window. My shoulders fell again and I felt tears keep falling. "I came back because I realized I didn't want you to hate me. I wanted to be your...your Stat again....but I can't be..."My voice broke, and I closed my eyes again.
Caiden (7:51:20 PM): "I can't be Twink either... I haven't been for two years... I don't... I can't hate you... but I'm not your Twink... I could have been... but I'm just his Sier now..." -voice kinda of rambling on a tangenet-
Phoenix (7:52:35 PM): And at that, my heart broke...shattered...fell into a million jagged pieces that I couldn't pick up again. "Well..I only hope he can love you as much as I do...for the rest of my life...there will never be anyone else...." I lifted the window, tears clouding my vision.
Caiden (7:53:34 PM): "I'm sorry, Phoenix..."
Phoenix (7:54:21 PM): I just climbed through, climbing down, nearly slipping, arms clutched around myself tightly and tears consuming me. I had been better off in London...thousands of miles away and my heart unbeating.
Caiden (7:56:21 PM): -watchs you leave for a moment and walks to the window- "I don't want you to leave."
Phoenix (7:57:59 PM): I glanced up, on a rung of the fire escape and steeled myself for a moment. "You can't ask that of me. I can't stay when you belong to someone else...I can't stay when knowing I can't have you makes everything in me just stop working. I'm sorry, Cai....I guess I'm just weak..."
Caiden (7:58:39 PM): -look of sadness in his eyes, cheeks red- "You're nothing like the Phoenix I knew."
Phoenix (7:59:56 PM): "No....you're right...I'm not. The Phoenix you knew would have fought for what he wanted. But that Phoenix was broken beyond repair when he saw you and Chuck holding each other and kissing. That Phoenix turned into this mess..."I pointed at myself. "I cant fight for what I can't have..It's just more torture..."
Caiden (8:02:10 PM): -shaking his head and wrapping arms around himself- "Its your fault... its your fault he's the one holding me when my Mum dopes herself up... but it never makes anything better... it doesn't make anything right by blaming you, so fuck it."
Caiden (8:03:29 PM): "Or by blaming anyone. I guess its my fault for existing."
Phoenix (8:05:23 PM): I stood there for a long moment. My heart and my head kept screaming different things at me --make him yours, phoenix james! goddamnit stop being a pansy ass!-- I frowned at his words. --you made him feel this way...fix it, you fucker! fix what's broken-- I climbed the rungs up again, determined once more, that old blaze in my eyes as I pushed into the room, wrapped one arm tightly around you, cupping your cheek with my other hand and bringing my lips softly, gently to yours. I had to make you see..make you feel it...everything in me was yours...every good feeling...everything of beauty that i'd ever cherished.
Caiden (8:08:44 PM): -hands move up to your shoulders, barely trying to push away but after a moment manages to bring myself to do it- "Don't do that... please don't..."
Phoenix (8:10:32 PM): I stood there, feeling like a fool. So he'd pushed me away twice. Well, there wouldn't be a third time. I couldn't handle that. I barely nodded. "I get it...I lost..." This time I went to the door of the room, not trusting myself to try climbing that fucking fireplace again.
Caiden (8:11:55 PM): -walks over to the door and pushes it shut- "Show me why... why do you love me? What do you want from me that you're so fucking sur eI have?"
Phoenix (8:13:20 PM): I met his gaze, eyes burning into his. "I don't want anything from you, Caiden. I never asked anything of you. But you've got my heart and soul every good thing in my life with you...in the palm of your hands...every beautiful thing i cherished ever...is in your eyes"
Caiden (8:13:38 PM): "I'm not going to hurt my best friend. It might have been hard for you to have done... but its fucking impossible to me." -my voice quiet-
Phoenix (8:14:28 PM): I nodded again. "I'm not asking you to hurt him. If he's who you want then let..me ...leave."
Caiden (8:16:25 PM): "Theres nothing happy about me..." -says depressingly, referring to what you said-
Caiden (8:16:52 PM): "Or beautiful... or cherished..."
Phoenix (8:19:05 PM): I sighed. There wasn't a damn thing left for me to say. He didn't want to believe me. He didn't want to trust me...or love me...or be with me...I understood that now and I was sorry I'd tried. "Maybe you don't see it , Caiden...because you can't...but every time I looked in the mirror, the only happiness, or beauty, or cherished memory I had was when thinking of you...it's what kept me living..." With that, I twisted the doorknob, determined to leave now that I'd lost everything in my life I'd ever longed for or had that primal...indescribable need for.
Caiden (8:20:04 PM): -grabs your other wrist, looking up at you...begging for something but i dont know what-
Caiden (8:20:45 PM): eyes-
Phoenix (8:21:24 PM): Once more he'd stopped me. Once more. I looked at him just barely. "You stop me...you push me away....make up your mind, Caiden...cuz you're killing me...."
Caiden (8:22:05 PM): "Pushing you away... doesn’t mean I want you to leave me again..."
Phoenix (8:23:15 PM): I pulled my wrist from his grasp. "I can't stay here and be your friend, Caiden. I can't. I may be tough-skinned but that is just something I'm incapable of. I can't walk by and watch you with him. I can't..."
Caiden (8:24:04 PM): "People do it everyday. They sit next to someone they love and they act like they don't. I did it too, Phoenix.... I want you here... please don't leave again...."
Phoenix (8:25:42 PM): "Then you are selfish, Caiden...fucking selfish..." I pulled the door open. "I'm not other people! I NEVER have been. I was too late, all right? I came back too late. And I CAN NOT stay and watch you be in love with someone else knowing I will NEVER, EVER love anyone like you..." Tears cascade down my cheeks and my heart has long since slid into my stomach.
Caiden (8:26:18 PM): "I never said I was in love!"
Phoenix (8:27:00 PM): I looked at him, shaking my head. "Well, you're still with him...whatever it is....and seeing it would break me into pieces..."
Caiden (8:27:45 PM): "I don't want you to think you love me... I want you to know... If you can't stay... if you can't get to know me again... there's no ay you'll ever find out if I'm still the person you say you loved."
Phoenix (8:29:07 PM): He was right...I knew he was right...and it still made my heart ache. I once more let my eyes fall closed. "Fine..." I gave up. Staying would kill me...but then again, the parts of me that were good and alive had died long befor anyway.
Caiden (8:30:27 PM): "I'm not going to school today."
Phoenix (8:32:26 PM): I opened my eyes and stared at him, just a small hint of playfulness flickering there. "I figured as much...you're already twenty minutes late..."
Caiden (8:36:03 PM): "I haven't gone to school all week. Mum doesn't notice shit."
Phoenix (8:38:22 PM): At this I almost laughed. But I bit the side of my lip to keep it back, my lips still twitching a bit at the corners.
Caiden (8:39:06 PM): -goes to his closet and digs around, pulls out a little baggy and tosses you it- "Should lighten the mood up..." -pants falling obviously low on my hips-
Phoenix (8:40:18 PM): I caught in my hands, quirking a brow. "You remember what happened last time we smoked together? You got a knot on your head from falling off my bed" I chuckled.
Caiden (8:41:16 PM): -shrugs a litttle- "Doesn't hit me like it did back then. Takes at least three to fuck me over."
Caiden (8:41:56 PM): "depends on who i get it from, mostly."
Phoenix (8:42:27 PM): I just smiled a bit, trying on this normalcy thing for now. Taking out some of it, I rolled it into a joints and took a lighter from my back pocket, igniting the end and holding it out to you.
Caiden (8:43:20 PM): "How sweet of you." -takes a long drag, burning up a good portion of it-
Phoenix (8:44:21 PM): I shook my head a little...same Cai...deep down...the sparkle in his eyes...the smirk on his face....the sarcasm...all those little quirks I'd fallen for. Even if he couldn't see it, I could.
Caiden (8:44:47 PM): -pulls it back- "Might as wlel make youre own, this ones going down."
Phoenix (8:46:58 PM): I smirked at that, going about rolling another one and lighting it for myself. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe I could do this. Maybe....just maybe...it wouldn't hurt.
Caiden (8:49:21 PM): -lays back on the old thin carpet with legs up, smoking it up and puffing a bit crazily-
Phoenix (8:49:53 PM): I took a seat at the desk chair again, curling one leg up under me and smoked the joint lazily.
Caiden (8:52:52 PM): "This is the only time i feel normal." -holds it up-
Phoenix (8:53:33 PM): I glanced down at him, extremely saddened by that statement. "I don't ever feel normal..." I mumbled, the words spilling out before I could stop them.
Caiden (8:54:01 PM): "You're right. I don't remember what normal is. How does, "slightly better" work for you?"
Phoenix (8:55:47 PM): I arched a brow and nodded. "Yeah...that works..." I puffed the last of my joint and tossed it into the rubbish bin.
Caiden (8:56:35 PM): -goes over, picks it out, opens the window and tosses it up and back onto the roof, doing the same with mine-
Caiden (8:56:51 PM): "If she knew I had this shit she'd be fucking stealing it from me."
Phoenix (8:57:10 PM): I once more nodded my head, small hint of a smile on my face.
Caiden (8:58:09 PM): "I work more than she does." -shakes his head and grabs nother one, theres only two left-
Phoenix (8:58:43 PM): I set the bag on the small table next to your bed and curl both my legs up now, glancing out the window.
Caiden (8:59:18 PM): -goes over to his wardrobe and grabs stuff thatll fit you, tosses it at you, pulling my wn pants up-
Phoenix (9:00:27 PM): I glance at the stuff, then up at you. "I have clothes.... in my car...I'm fine, Cai." I folded the stuff up and handed it back to him. "I'll get em later."
Caiden (9:01:52 PM): -shrugs and leaves it there, annoyed with my shirt and pulls it off, trying not to knock ashes, and digs in his closet-
Caiden (9:02:38 PM): -wardrobe-
Phoenix (9:02:57 PM): I turned my gaze back to the window. This was just torture. Just pure, fucking torture. I chewed on my bottom lip, praying to God that I wouldn't overstep any boundaries out of my own sheer stupidity.
Caiden (9:05:52 PM): -mutters something and digs in a drawer, pulls out his black wifebeater which is more a dulled grey, and tugs it on. for a split second you can see my barcode on my neck very clearly-
Phoenix (9:07:11 PM): There were birds outside the window. I narrowed my eyes at them as they twittered and flew about. -just keep your eyes averted and all is good, james-
Caiden (9:08:13 PM): -kicks the other shirt over to the left and near the wall, comes over and sits on my desk-
Phoenix (9:08:48 PM): I finally looked up, thankful he had another shirt on. I tried to smile like I used to.
Caiden (9:09:31 PM): sorry, its fucking hot in here, yaknow? -drags on his joint and ruffles his hair, letting the blonde locks fall on my forehea-d
Phoenix (9:11:41 PM): "What are you sorry for?" I furrowed brows at him and just shook my head with a little laugh, reaching up and tousling his hair, just like I'd used to....just like always. Yeah....I could do this...
Caiden (9:12:44 PM): "Lots of things... sorry if I disappointed you, too..."
Phoenix (9:13:10 PM): "You never disappointed me...not once..."
Caiden (9:13:48 PM): "Oh... I just thought.." -shrugs a little and kind gestures to self- "Best trash parents like mine can bring up... Well, half a parent..." -smiles faintly-
Phoenix (9:16:03 PM): "You are more than either of your parents could ever be, Cai...don't ever forget that..."
Caiden (9:17:31 PM): -faint smile, hops off the desk- "Want to go grab something to eat?"
Caiden (9:17:40 PM): "Maybe call me into class." -jokes-
Phoenix (9:19:43 PM): "Something to eat sounds good. And since when have I ever done that one before, huh?"
Caiden (9:22:05 PM): -grins- "For old times sake?" -picks pants up, cuz they really are too big... caiden got pretty skinny in the last 2 years-
Phoenix (9:27:12 PM): I laughed. "You need new pants, mate. We need to take you shopping." I took out my phone, dialing the school. "Hello, Mrs. Stanton, yes, this is Caiden's older brother. Yeah...he got sick this morning. I have to take him to the doctor's so he won't be in school today. Thank you, ma'am. You too." I hung up, grin on my face.
Caiden (9:28:05 PM): -flicks his joint out the window and up again, frowning-
Phoenix (9:28:13 PM): "What is it?"
Caiden (9:29:16 PM): "I must look really deprived, huh?" -grabs his wallet and shoves it in his pocket-
Phoenix (9:29:54 PM): "That's not what I said. That's not what I meant. Who says we can't take you shopping and you buy it? I wasn't implying anything, Caiden."
Caiden (9:31:06 PM): -shrugs a little bit, licking over his bottom lip- "I don't want charity, Nix... you know that."
Phoenix (9:31:33 PM): "Well no one said I was gonna buy you anything, ya loser." I ruffled his hair and headed to the door.
Caiden (9:32:10 PM): -a confused look- "I don't have new pants because I don't have money, Phoenix." -opens bedroom door-
Phoenix (9:33:38 PM): I stopped and stared at him. "Then I guess you are getting a new pair today then, and if you argue I'm ducttaping your mouth shut, carrying you over myshoulder to the store and doing it anyway."
Caiden (9:37:15 PM): -sighs and doesn't answer, trying to avoid it, and walks through the living room. picks up some shit my mom left on the floor, needle included, and tosses it all-
Phoenix (9:38:30 PM): I just looked away from it all, not wanting to hate the woman more than I already did. "Too bad you don't have a license, or I'd have let you drive."
Caiden (9:41:38 PM): -opens his wallet and flings it at you, theres a license right there-
Caiden (9:42:12 PM): [we'll say he's 17 ;-)]
Phoenix (9:43:12 PM): I laughed. "Well, that's convenient, isn't it?" I tossed my keys at him.
Caiden (9:45:01 PM): -grabs them midair- "Got it on my birthday. Doesn't matter, don't have a car."

Phoenix signed on at 7:53:10 PM.
Caiden (7:56:40 PM): -grabs them midair- "Got it on my birthday. Doesn't matter, don't have a car."
Phoenix (8:10:30 PM): -chuckles a little, shaking my head- "Well, you can drive mine for the time being."
Caiden (8:40:23 PM): -smiles a little and walks out the door, waiting for you-
Phoenix (8:42:49 PM): -heads after you, ruffling my hair and biting at my lip ring-
Caiden (8:55:48 PM): -shoves his hands in his pockets, looking like a skinny little poor kid that would cause trouble lol and walks with his head down-
Phoenix (8:59:42 PM): -glances at you a bit sadly, wishing this really were like any normal day we used to spend-
Caiden (9:00:25 PM): -looks over at you- "So which car is yours?" -standing next to it and its the nicest one there-
Phoenix (9:04:09 PM): -smirks- that would be the jag you're standing next to...
Caiden (9:04:51 PM): -frowns a little and looks at you- "Is it a stick?"
Caiden (9:05:11 PM): [aww what happened to story form lmao]
Phoenix (9:06:56 PM): "Yeah, it's a stick. It was my dad's." -chuckles- "One of the few things I got..."
Caiden (9:07:34 PM): Looking over at him, I saw a flash of his dad and sighed. "Phoenix, I don't know how to drive a stick."
Phoenix (9:09:37 PM): I laughed a bit. "Then I'll teach you."
Caiden (9:11:09 PM): With a small shrug, I unlocked the door and sighed, hearing thunder in the air.
Phoenix (9:12:03 PM): I got into the passenger side and buckled myself in, then waited for you. "All right...give me your hand."
Caiden (9:12:59 PM): "Should I start the car first?""
Phoenix (9:14:52 PM): I rolled my eyes with a small laugh. "I don't want us going anywhere yet. So this first."
Caiden (9:17:03 PM): Caiden held his hand out for him to take.
Caiden (9:17:11 PM): [im gonna do caiden... cuz im like... i dunno lol]
Phoenix (9:18:18 PM): I took your hand and placed it on the gear shift, mine on top of yours. Going through each one as I moved it, I explained to you how they worked.
Caiden (9:18:47 PM): [is yous gonna writes how nix feeellss?]
Phoenix (9:18:59 PM): (hahahh you want that, don't you?)
Phoenix (9:19:43 PM): The feel of your hand under mine was familiar...yet not. I wanted to hold onto you, but I slowly lifted my hand. "Are you...ready to try it?"
Caiden (9:21:10 PM): [of course i doooo]
Caiden (9:21:34 PM): Nodding a little bit, Cai smiled faintly up at his friend and started the car. "Where should we go?"
Caiden (9:23:31 PM): "For breakfast, I mean?"
Phoenix (9:25:01 PM): I glanced over at you and shrugged. "I don't know...I haven't been here in forever...."
Caiden (9:25:42 PM): "It's all the same..." Shifting gears, he pulled out onto the street.
Phoenix (9:26:25 PM): I laughed, resting head back against the seat. "Yeah...true..."
Caiden (9:26:59 PM): "So, pick a place... I'm bored out of my fucking mind with all of them."
Phoenix (9:34:05 PM): "All right....all right..." I gazed around, chewing on my lip, then just pointed at a random restaurant to the left.
Caiden (9:34:45 PM): Pulling into the parking lot, Caiden pulle dforward and back up into a spot, toungue sticking out of the side of his mouth as he looked back.
Phoenix (9:41:04 PM): I couldn't help cringing a little, slightly nervous as I watched him.
Caiden (9:52:48 PM): Parking perfectly, he put the car into park and killed the engine.
Phoenix (9:53:31 PM): I breathed a sigh of relief and bit on my lip.
Caiden (9:54:23 PM): Caiden's eyes searched the older man's face, "You alright?"
Phoenix (9:55:10 PM): "Yeah...I'm fine..."
Caiden (9:55:24 PM): He shrugged and pulled the keys out, handing them over-
Phoenix (9:56:39 PM): I took them, our fingers brushing and felt that same shock as I had earlier. Keep your hands to yourself, James...just be good... I got out of the car and headed to the door of the restaurant, smirking at a girl that gazed my way.
Caiden (10:01:42 PM): Caiden ignored the brush of their fingers, occupying himself with his seatbelt and stepping out onto the pavement.
Phoenix (10:02:13 PM): I stood at the door, the girl still eyeing me, and winked at her. I was being my normal flirateous self, I couldn't help it.
Caiden (10:02:52 PM): He was own oblivious world, digging into his pocket before sticking a cigarette between his lips.
Phoenix (10:03:58 PM): When she came over, I couldn't help smirking. Girls never got it. But then again, I didn't help them much. Chatting her up, I put my hands in my back pockets and my pants slid a bit on my hips.
Caiden (10:05:04 PM): Caiden grabbed Phoenix by the arm and led him to a booth, rolling his eyes and with the other hand flicking his zippo out, flicking it. A green flame shot out and he took a breath in, pulling in the cancerous smoke.
Caiden (10:05:41 PM): [too many flicking. lmao. pulling his zippo out-
Phoenix (10:06:29 PM): I quirked a brow. "Hey! I was having a nice conversation out there. What's the deal?" I snatched the cigarette from you and stuck it between my lips.
Caiden (10:07:21 PM): Growling a bit, Caiden snatched it back and sat down. "Get your own, Phoenix. And as for her," he pointed with the cigarette between her fingers and shook his head, "Don't bother. Slept with everything that walks around here. Has a two year old at home."
Phoenix (10:08:42 PM): "I don't need you to play my father, Cai. I was just talking. I'm not gonna go take someone to bed...jeez." I rolled my eyes and slid into the booth, snagging my pack of clove cigaretted out of my back pocket and lighting one.
Caiden (10:09:20 PM): Caiden's face turned to one of dislike, hating that smell like no other but not saying a word. "Not worth a talk either."
Phoenix (10:10:22 PM): I shrugged. "Well, thank you for looking out for me and who I speak to." I took a drag and blew the smoke out the window, gazing out at the trees that swayed in the breeze.
Caiden (10:11:12 PM): He laid his head back in the booth, mostly to get away from that overwhelming smell, and stretched his arms back we a groan.
Phoenix (10:12:11 PM): I barely glanced up when the waitress came, telling her I'd like a water and an order of waffles with strawberries.
Caiden (10:12:36 PM): She looked over at Caiden as he puffed away and he waved his hand, shaking his head no.
Phoenix (10:15:49 PM): I watched her as she walked away, then glanced at you, but said nothing. Smushing out the cigarette in the ashtray, I moved so I could stretch my legs out across the seat.
Caiden (10:17:46 PM): Caiden stuck his legs out and his feet rested on the edge of Phoeni'x side of the booth. Folding his hands in front of him on the table, he talked out of the side of his mouth with the cigarette still there. "You know, those things smell like ass."
Phoenix (10:19:01 PM): I smirked. "Oh? That so, huh? Well, I'll remember that for next time." I rested my arms behind my head, scratching at the tattoo on my wrist.
Caiden (10:19:55 PM): Looking down, he drew the cig out of his mouth and flicked the ashes,looking at Phoenix under the flat blonde locks resting on his forehead. "How many of those have yuo got since you left?"
Phoenix (10:21:13 PM): I laughed. "More than I can count at the moment. I drew most of em and went to places and said 'ink em on me'."
Caiden (10:22:18 PM): "show me."
Phoenix (10:23:02 PM): I laughed harder. "Most of em are in places I'm not just gonna show in the middle of a restaurant, Cai."
Caiden (10:24:07 PM): Quirking his eyebrow at him, he shook his head. "Alright. Later, then." With that he turned and showed Nix the back of his neck, sitting back normal. "Got it a few days ago, actually.
Phoenix (10:24:58 PM): "I like that. Very unique....very you, actually." I smiled a bit, flicking a strang of hair out of my eyes that was bugging me.
Caiden (10:25:42 PM): Shrugging, he took another puff and put it out in the tray. "Some guy at one of our shows did it for $20."
Phoenix (10:26:50 PM): "I wish mine went for $20...."I laughed again, shaking my head a bit, blowing the hair out of my face this time. "Fucking hair..."I looked up at it as best I could, eyes narrowing.
Caiden (10:27:26 PM): Crossing an arm over his chest, he sucked on his lip ring and looked around the restaraunt.
Phoenix (10:28:15 PM): The waitress came soon with the waffles and I speared a strawberry, dabbing it in the whipped cream and offering it to you with a grin.
Caiden (10:28:55 PM): "I don't eat before 5 at night." He said, voice sounding serious.
Phoenix (10:29:41 PM): I raised a brow, then took the fork back. "Suit yourself..." I popped the strawberry into my mouth and looked once more out the window.
Caiden (10:30:20 PM): Sighing to himself, he fingered the glass of water that had been set in front of him. "Why'd you come back?"
Caiden (10:39:13 PM): [ok resend that or send it or ahem]
Phoenix (10:39:21 PM): "A few days..."I chewed slowly on a piece of waffle. "I got a hotel room closeby..."
Caiden (10:39:39 PM): "So you were watching me, then?"
Caiden (10:40:37 PM): "Wait. Stupid question. I know you've been watching me. But how much? Staring in my bedroom window at night?"
Phoenix (10:41:50 PM): I sighed a bit. "No...not like that...I was at the airport...ready to leave yesterday... after I talked to Chuck...but then I stopped myself and ended back up at your apartment...debating whether I should go up there and talk to you..and we both know how that ended up..."
Caiden (10:43:15 PM): He eyed Phoenix suspicously. "Talked to Chuck?"
Phoenix (10:44:27 PM): I glanced up. "Yeah...I was at a store...going to get shit...and he ended up walking in. He was all nice... said that we should all hang out now that I was back...then he came off with how much i'd hurt you...and that you'd come crying to him...and I just...I thought it was better if maybe I didn't come see you..."
Caiden (10:45:17 PM): A spark of anger shone in his features. "I never went crying to anyone."
Phoenix (10:45:45 PM): I shrugged lightly. "That's just what he told me. What else was I supposed to think? I didn't think he'd lie to me..."
Caiden (10:48:04 PM): Clenching his jaw a little, Caiden tried not to remember the things he felt that had come with Nix leaving. "Doesn't matter much. So how long are you staying?"
Phoenix (10:51:28 PM): I shrugged again. "I have no idea. It's not like I was leaving much in London. And Kendall's exact words were 'Don't leave until it's fixed, fucker.'"
Caiden (12:58:07 AM): Phoenix (10:51:28 PM): I shrugged again. "I have no idea. It's not like I was leaving much in London. And Kendall's exact words were 'Don't leave until it's fixed, fucker.'"
Caiden (12:58:23 AM): "And do you think it's fixed?"
Phoenix (1:04:18 AM): I stared at you for a long moment. "No...not particularly...and that's why I'm still here."
Caiden (1:05:00 AM): "I didn't think so." Caiden sat back in his seat and started on a fresh cigarette, this one a menthol from a fresh pack. He stared Phoenix down, watching him eat his food.
Phoenix (1:09:44 AM): I found the way he watched me a bit unnerving. What was I supposed to have said? Of course it wasn't fixed...not by a long shot. I finished my food and pushed the plate aside.
Caiden (1:11:28 AM): "Ready?" The word came out of his mouth a bit fast... he'd been waiting for Phoenix to finish.
Phoenix (1:13:12 AM): I blinked a bit. "Er...yeah..." I plucked up the bill, leaving change on the table, and got up to go pay for it.
Caiden (1:14:41 AM): "Sorry... I just hate watching people eat." In the back of his mind he wondered why he was being so rude... why he couldn't let himself be who he wanted to be... the person no one that was here would let him be. The truth was he hated to watch them eat because really he was starving.
Phoenix (1:16:37 AM): (:'() I frowned, and just nodded, going to pay the woman at the counter, then waiting for you before heading back out to my car.
Caiden (1:16:58 AM): [and of course theres a reason. noodle.]
Caiden (1:17:13 AM): "You're turn to choose. Where we going?"
Caiden (1:19:29 AM): [he means he suggested food lol]
Phoenix (1:20:41 AM): I took my keys out of my pocket and a tiny smile came to my face. "I think I know a place..."
Caiden (1:22:43 AM): He nodded and got in on the passenger side as the doors were unlocked.
Phoenix (1:26:49 AM): I slid into the driver's seat, starting the car, putting it in gear and pulling out of the lot, heading away from town.
Caiden (1:27:25 AM): Sinking down into the seat, he crossed on leg over the other and was tapping his foot in the air.
Phoenix (1:28:31 AM): I turned on the radio, blaring a cd I'd had in from earlier, watching the signs that led to the beach pass by.
Caiden (1:29:24 AM): Caiden pressed his cheek to his palm, looking over at Phoenix and back out the window. He started singing somethng to himself...and it wasn't the CD.
Phoenix (1:30:28 AM): I grinned when I saw the sign I'd been looking for, turning off onto a little dirt road.
Caiden (1:31:04 AM): Lifting his head up, he looked around. "Where are we going?"
Phoenix (1:31:29 AM): "The beach." I said simply, making my way down the path.
Caiden (1:32:15 AM): Sighing, he resumed staring at Phoenix and then out the window.
Phoenix (1:33:32 AM): I got to the end of the road and parked, turning off the car and getting out. Taking off my shoes, I threw them in the backseat and started to walk down the sand.
Caiden (1:34:42 AM): He hadn't been to the beach much... now and again for a bon fire that usually consisted of getting too drunk to even remember the event. Toeing off his shoes, Caiden walked faster to catch up.
Phoenix (1:37:45 AM): I found the place, standing in front of the opening and smiling softly. Two years since I'd been here...Two years and it had felt like a lifetime. I stepped inside and looked around...reliving the past.
Caiden (1:39:44 AM): When he realized where he was... where he'd let himself be lead... he stopped walking. Watching Phoenix silently, he took one step back and pretended to show no interest.
Phoenix (1:42:08 AM): I didn't notice anything...not him...not anything as I moved in further, coming to the small pool of water...the waterfall rushed down just like it always had. I took a seat at the edge, dipping my feet in and gliding a hand through the water. I had missed this place...the only place in Brisbane that I had felt safe since my parents' death.
Caiden (1:43:11 AM): Caiden found himself occupied with the clouds and a flock of birds flying around. Under his breath he was singing a chorus to a song he'd help to write.
Phoenix (1:44:38 AM): I closed my eyes, taking in the scent of the water...the air...the flowers that grew in the corners....I felt at peace.
Caiden (1:45:19 AM): After five minutes of silence, he found himself sinking down onto the sand, just letting the small grains go between his toes
Phoenix (1:48:43 AM): Finally, I opened my eyes and noticed he wasn't there with me. I knew it was no longer our place. I'd ruined that...With a sigh, I got to my feet and walked back out.
Caiden (1:50:05 AM): He looked up as Phoenix walked out of the cove, playing with a pile of sand in his hands.
Phoenix (1:51:51 AM): "Well...I guess we can go." I headed away from the cove. It was tainted now...and I didn't think it'd ever be the same again.
Caiden (1:52:15 AM): "I haven't been in there since I found out you left... you know... it took me days to figure out you'd left for good."
Phoenix (2:01:47 AM): I nodded. "It's all right. I understand." I made my way back up the sand to the path.
Caiden (2:03:15 AM): Using the wall behind him to steady himself as he stood, Caidens eyes were met with Phoenix's back, "Do you really?"
Phoenix (2:04:26 AM): "Yeah, I do." I kicked sand as I walked, looking out at the water.
Caiden (2:04:50 AM): Walking beside him now, he brushed arms with him. "I don't come here anymore... nto really."
Phoenix (2:05:55 AM): I looked down at him and nodded. "Yeah...I probably wouldn't have either..."
Caiden (2:06:49 AM): "I mean it was sort of like... a disappointment... everytime I came, it felt less and less familiar.
Caiden (2:06:55 AM): "
Phoenix (2:08:39 AM): "I get it, Cai...all right?" I had finally made it to the car and opened the door, sliding in.
Caiden (2:09:39 AM): He shut his mouth, biting on his cheek and getting in. He talked only to ask Nix if they could head back to his flat.
Phoenix (2:11:49 AM): I headed back towards the main road, taking the familiar route back to his flat. "Well, here we are."
Caiden (2:12:35 AM): He got out, shutting the door a little forcibly and expecting Phoenix to follow him. He shot a look at him through the windshield.
Phoenix (2:13:40 AM): I frowned a little and got out of my seat. "Ya know, this is my dad's car...one of the only things I have left of him. Mind being a bit more careful?" Iasked softly.
Caiden (2:14:35 AM): Caiden felt a stab at his heart and nodded, mouthing a sorry but no words came out as he pulled his key out.
Phoenix (2:25:49 AM): I followed him up to the door, fiddling with the keys in my pocket.
Caiden (2:26:38 AM): He walked quietly, trying to clear his mind, and stepped inside the quiet apartment.
Phoenix (2:27:42 AM): Heading after him, I playing with my lipring, pushing it in and out as I glanced around a bit.
Caiden (2:28:58 AM): The door was locked as soon as Nix walked inside. "I have to sleep for awhile or I'm going to be dead tonight... I... we only got like 3 hours last night, If you want to crash for awhile..."
Phoenix (2:30:09 AM): "Oh..uh...sure..." I sat down on the couch, legs curled up indian-style. "Go rest."
Caiden (2:31:08 AM): "You don't have to sleep out here..."
Phoenix (2:32:16 AM): I glanced up. "Well...all right..." I got to my feet again, knowing we'd just end up on opposite sides of the bed, so it didn't matter where I slept. But I headed to your bedroom anyway.
Caiden (2:33:01 AM): He undid his pants and kicked them to the wall, crawling onto the bed with his boxers and wifebeater on.
Phoenix (2:34:20 AM): I slipped out of my own pants, leaving on my t-shirt and boxers and got in, lying on my side.
Caiden (2:36:21 AM): Scratching the back of his head, Caiden looked at the back of Nix's head and sighed. "I have a show tonight... if you want to come with us..."
Phoenix (2:37:47 AM): I closed my eyes and bit on my bottom lip. "I'm not thinking being around Chuck would be a positive thing for me..."
Caiden (2:38:04 AM): "Please?"
Caiden (2:41:04 AM): "I know you don't... but I want you to come... we're not half-bad..." He forced a small laugh.
Phoenix (2:46:39 AM): I sighed. He knew he could get me to do just about anything. That had been the case since he'd met me when he was five. "Fine...I'll go...he starts any shit though and I'm gone."
Caiden (2:48:31 AM): The blonde nodded a bit and slid his hand beneath his pillow, daring to scoot just a little closer.
Phoenix (2:50:14 AM): I felt him move and couldn't help smiling just slightly. I remembered the times before when we'd shared a bed. The last time being when him and Reese had showed up on my doorstep. Grinning a little at the memory of that, I closed my eyes.
Caiden (2:51:25 AM): "Night, Phoenix." -voice lazy-
Phoenix (2:51:49 AM): "Night..."
Caiden (2:52:24 AM): -falls asleep and then theres a punding on the door-
Phoenix (2:53:13 AM): I furrowed my brows, sitting up a bit in your bed and cringing at the noise. Letting out a little sleepy groan, I nudged you. "Cai...someone's at your door."
Caiden (2:54:04 AM): I shot up in my bed. "Fuck... he's going to be pissed..." The clock read 5:55pm and I knew I'd fucked up. Scrambling to pull my pants back on, "Get dressed and sit on the couch."
Phoenix (2:55:07 AM): I raised my brows, but went and pulled my pants back on. Heading to the door, I gave him one last little look before leaving the room and going out to the livingroom.
Caiden (2:55:45 AM): Sighing, I grabbed my guitar case and got to the door. Chuck was there, his cheeks red and his eyes dark. "Where were you, Sier?"
Caiden (2:55:53 AM): "Taking a nap... s-sorry..."
Caiden (2:56:16 AM): He pulled me aside, seeing you inside the door, and was whispering heatedly.
Phoenix (2:57:08 AM): I clenched my jaw. Chuck had changed...way too much for my liking. But I stayed put. "Sier" what the fuck was that?
Caiden (2:58:06 AM): After about a minute of him hissing in my ear, I stepped back inside with a smile on my lips. "Lets get going... before we're late."
Phoenix (2:58:58 AM): I nodded, getting to my feet. The instant my eyes landed on Chuck, they darkened and I had to bite back a sneer.
Caiden (2:59:31 AM): "Ang is in the car... she wanted to come see the show tonight."
Caiden (2:59:50 AM): I cringed a little at the name, his arm going around me as I carried my case.
Phoenix (3:01:22 AM): I walked after them both, a bitter taste in my mouth that I couldn't make go away. "I'll follow you..."I muttered, wanting to get away as quick as possible. I tore my keys out of my pocket and popped the lock on my doors.
Caiden (3:04:13 AM): I shot a look at Phoenix, my eyes meeting his and pleading with him as Chuck let me og.
Caiden (3:04:14 AM): go-
Caiden (3:04:38 AM): Gesturing to the car, I opened the backdoor. Looked like thatd be where I was sitting.
Phoenix (3:05:43 AM): With a sigh, I locked my car again and made my way to Chuck's. Sliding into the backseat, I still had my teeth gritted, and my hands clasped tightly on my lap.
Caiden (3:06:43 AM): I sat beside him and Ang gave me a snooty smile, attempting niceness. Chuck talked animantly with her, completly forgetting my existance for the time being. My eyes fell down, a blank stare.
Phoenix (3:08:17 AM): I stared daggers into the back of Chuck's head...him and whatever the hell the girl's name was beside him. I hadn't bothered remembering. You're here for Caiden...that's all....don't think about anyone else...you're here for him... Icracked my knuckles, feeling my lip curl into a sneer despite myself.
Caiden (3:09:43 AM): Running over the words in my head, I felt my stomach growl painfully. I didn't bother to look out the window, staring at the material of the seat in front of me.
Phoenix (3:10:41 AM): Reaching into the messenger bag I'd brought with me, I pulled out a small candy bar. "For now..."I whispered to him.
Caiden (3:11:00 AM): I shook my head at him, glancing up at Chuck.
Phoenix (3:12:32 AM): My eyes narrowed and I tossed the candy bar back into my bag. "Chuck, stop the car."
Caiden (3:12:53 AM): "Phoenix."
Caiden (3:13:10 AM): Chuck looked up in the reareview mirror at us, "Why, what's wrong mate?"
Phoenix (3:13:46 AM): "I need to leave." I stated simply. "Can you just pull over? I'll walk back to my car."
Caiden (3:14:45 AM): I swallowed and felt my eyes burning. If he left, I'd never have a chance... "Nix, it's alright... I'll pay the cover to get in." My voice was forceful, my eyes burning into him to play along.
Phoenix (3:16:28 AM): I stared at him, jaw clenched angrily. "Fine...but I'll owe you." I forced a smile, sitting back in my seat. When Chuck wasn't looking , I leaned over and whispered to him. "It makes me sick....just so you know...but I'll play along...for you."
Caiden (3:17:27 AM): I was fine with playing along... with being a puppet... but then he came back... I could feel my eyes tearing up and I coughed, sniffling them back.
Phoenix (3:18:17 AM): I sat against the seat again, arms crossed in front of me. This wasn't how I went through life. I wasn't good at pretending. That's part of the reason I had left as well. This made me want to throw up.
Caiden (3:19:31 AM): Crossing my arm over myself, I gripped my upper arm and reached over quietly. I pushed the flap back on his bag and slid the candybar out.
Phoenix (3:21:26 AM): Arching a brow, I pretended like I didn't notice. What in the fuck had Chuck turned him into while I'd been gone? He was a goddamned marionette...but if there was anything I was good at...it was beating people at their own game. I'd fucked my aunt over...and before Chuck knew it, I'd cut Caiden's strings and show the fucker just who he'd messed with.
Caiden (3:21:49 AM): [hehehehehe]
Caiden (3:22:20 AM): I unwrapped the bar and broke off a piece, chewing it quietly as I watched Chuck to make sure he didn't look behind him.
Caiden (3:22:48 AM): Sinking down into the sink, I smiled faintly at the warm feeling of the chocolate.
Caiden (3:23:56 AM): seat----
Phoenix (3:25:12 AM): There was an angry buzzing in my stomach that I couldn't make go away. It was like a swarm of killer bees. Fuck, how I just wanted to wipe that smirk off his face. Knock him on his ass. Let him see that just because I'd left, didn't mean that the old quick-tempered, foul-mouthed, fight for your honor Phoenix wasn't still in me. Because fuck was he...and he was pissed...pissed beyond all belief...and sooner rather than later, Chuck was gonna get the full force of that...
Caiden (3:25:50 AM): [mmm...angry nix. i love angry nix. especially when its not AT caiden]
Caiden (3:26:20 AM): I frowned when I found the candybar was gone. Sighing a bit, I handed the wrapper to Phoenix and smiled in appreciation.
Phoenix (3:26:51 AM): (hahahhah yeah i love him too...and man he's <>:o right now...haha)
Phoenix (3:27:18 AM): Taking it, I tucked it into my bag. I couldn't smile back though...right now it just wasn't possible. That much I couldn't pretend.
Caiden (3:27:57 AM): Digging in my pocket, I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and lit up. I had to get rid of the taste...
Phoenix (3:28:53 AM): Returning to my state of glowering and crossing my arms, I thought of the look on Chuck's face right before my fist collided with his jaw...
Caiden (3:29:34 AM): Holding my pack out, I offered Phoenix one quietly.
Phoenix (3:32:02 AM): I took one without looking at him and lit it up, taking a long drag and watching scenery pass out the window. Shock...yeah...there'd be shock....disbelief....then the oh so lovely sound of bones breaking...
Caiden (3:33:06 AM): As I watched him puff away on the cigarette... I didn't notice Chucks eyes locked on me in the mirror...
Caiden (3:33:28 AM): We pulled into the club parking lot, Roxy and the rest of the guys sitting on the hood of the van.
Phoenix (3:34:04 AM): I didn't waste any time in getting out, stretching a bit and flicking the burnt up cigarette into a rubbish bin.
Phoenix signed off at 4:14:22 AM.
Caiden (4:36:18 PM): Caiden (3:33:06 AM): As I watched him puff away on the cigarette... I didn't notice Chucks eyes locked on me in the mirror...
Caiden (3:33:28 AM): We pulled into the club parking lot, Roxy and the rest of the guys sitting on the hood of the van.
Phoenix (3:34:04 AM): I didn't waste any time in getting out, stretching a bit and flicking the burnt up cigarette into a rubbish bin.
Caiden (4:36:42 PM): I got out and Roxy gave me that look she always did when she saw the look on my face. Her gaze flickered to him and she hopped off the hood. "Nix?"
Phoenix (4:44:06 PM): I glanced at her and gave the best "Nix" smile I could muster. "Hey there, Rox."
Caiden (4:44:48 PM): Her grin widened and she practically jumped on you as she hugged you, saying yshe couldn't believe you were "back".
Caiden (4:45:13 PM): I sighed and replaced the cigarette in my hand with another one, holding my guitar case.
Phoenix (4:46:22 PM): Hugging her back, I allowed myself a genuine smile. "Well, it's probably not permanent," I told her, ruffling her hair.
Caiden (4:48:22 PM): Roxy pulled away from him as he stepped back and frowned a little, looking at me and then back at him. "Too bad." Shrugging, she smiled again at him and smacked one of the guys on the side, telling them we needed to setup.
Phoenix (4:49:30 PM): I shook my head a little and shoved my hands into my back pocket, heading into the place and looking around. I was determined just to be invisibile.
Phoenix (4:49:37 PM): *invisible*
Caiden (4:50:06 PM): I walked with my head down, barely responding to Chuck when his arm went around me.
Phoenix (4:50:53 PM): Sneering just a bit, I plopped down at a table in the corner, propping my feet up on the top and promptly ordering an ale.
Caiden (4:53:12 PM): It took almost a half hour to set up until we were finally up on the stage, me in front of a mic with my bass in hand and the rest of the baned set up nearby. I played the hardest I could... it was the only thing I was ever good at. This... was the only thing. Chuck sang and I backed him up, screaming the parts I was made too and singing the others.
Phoenix (4:54:20 PM): I leaned back in my seat, swigging back what I thought must have been my third pint. Who knows, it could have been my forth. I watched him with a small smile. He really was talented.
Caiden (4:55:32 PM): People booed and cheered an hour later when we finished. I didn't care either way... it wasn't my band, it was Chuck's. I just wrote the lyrics is all. Sighing, I put my guitar away and jumped off the small stage.
Phoenix (4:56:21 PM): My eyes were a little hazy...my movements slightly jerky. But I was still coherent. Coherent and short-tempered as ever. But I grinned a little when the set was finished.
Caiden (4:56:56 PM): I walked over to him, lighting up again... I really needed to stop smoking... and sat down next to him.
Phoenix (4:57:53 PM): Looking up, I held the fourth...no..was it fifth, pint in my hand. I sipped from it. "You..were good."
Caiden (5:04:14 PM): Laughing a little, I sighed, "Yeah, could of been better."
Phoenix (5:21:35 PM): Phoenix (4:57:47 PM): Looking up, I held the fourth...no..was it fifth, pint in my hand. I sipped from it. "You..were good."
Caiden (5:04:08 PM): Laughing a little, I sighed, "Yeah, could of been better."
Caiden (5:28:20 PM): Eyeing the drinks in front of him, I took the one out of his hand and started drinking it, handing him my cigarette.
Phoenix (5:31:06 PM): I chuckled. "Sure, have my drink." I took the cigarette and took a long drag.
Caiden (5:32:07 PM): "Don't mind if I do." I felt a pair of lips on the side of my neck as I took a drink.
Phoenix (5:33:36 PM): Keeping my eyes averted, I took a much longer drag and focused my gaze on the wall. I was far too riled up to deal with anything more today.
Caiden (5:35:15 PM): I could feel Chuck watching him. "Had to pay his cover, huh?" He hissed in my ear and I shivered.
Phoenix (5:35:50 PM): I looked up, eyebrow arching at the two of them. I could feel that old Phoenix temper just boiling under my skin.
Caiden (5:37:10 PM): Looking back at Chuck, I tried to explain to him... without explaining to him... lied and gave some line that he had his credit card with him, no cash. The look in his eyes only got angrier. "We're going... you coming, Phoenix?"
Phoenix (5:47:42 PM): I looked up, lip curling into a sneer. "No...I think I'll walk, Charles."
Caiden (5:48:49 PM): I didn't argue this time... what was the point? I looked at Phoenix for a long moment before Chuck tugged me up and towards the doorway.
Phoenix (5:57:24 PM): I sat there, hands clenching the sides of my chair. It took everything...and I mean everything not to go up to him...not to yank him back by his hair and slam him against the wall.
Caiden (6:01:32 PM): [nix gonna come to cai's later??]
Caiden (6:01:54 PM): I walked with him reluctantly, glancing back before the door shut behind us. The drive back to my flat was silent.
Caiden (6:03:05 PM): He never played with my fingers s we drove... never talked to me about the future... it was just the way he was.
Phoenix (6:03:34 PM): (i guess so, lol ;-))
Phoenix (6:04:14 PM): I drank one more drink before paying, and slipped out of the club. Then I shoved my hands in my pockets and made my way back in the direction of Cai's flat.
Caiden (6:06:04 PM): My mum wasn't home when we got back... I expected her not to be.. It was like a routine now... show, drive home, fuck, leave. That was exactly what he did. So I laid there after he left, not giiving me even a morsel of a loving gesture, and held my blanket to me.
Phoenix (6:13:10 PM): I finally arrived there and stood on the doorstep for a long time. I didn't see his mum's car...or Chuck's for that matter. Which was a good thing. I knocked on the door and waited.
Caiden (6:14:00 PM): I didn't bother tugging on anything, just walking with my cheet around me. Peeking out the hole in the door, I opened it. "Yeah?"
Caiden (6:16:28 PM): sheet-
Phoenix (6:25:30 PM): "I just thought I'd stop by again...didn't want you to think I was blowing you off." I tried not to think of why he was naked. I tried to imagine anything else.
Caiden (6:26:06 PM): I pushed the door open fully and turned around, gesturing him.
Caiden (6:27:27 PM): him inside-
Phoenix (6:27:42 PM): I stepped into the flat once more, keeping my eyes trained on anything but him.
Caiden (6:28:13 PM): "You staying?"
Caiden (6:37:04 PM): I tugged my sheet tighter around my middle, not paying attention that it was low on my hips.
Phoenix (6:42:11 PM): I finally glanced at him. "Do you actually want me to?"
Caiden (6:43:01 PM): "Yeah. Why not?" I tucked the sheet into itself and lit up another cigarette.
Phoenix (6:43:25 PM): I shrugged. "Well, then I guess I'm staying."
Caiden (6:44:57 PM): Plopping down on the couch there I lightly scratched my stomach and sighed. I still hadn't eaten today other than the chocolate bar. Flicking on the TV, I pressed play on the movie I had left in the VCR.
Phoenix (7:00:09 PM): "I'm gonna go get my bag." I headed outside to my car and got the duffel bag I'd brought with me. Then I came back inside and went to the phone, ordering Chinese.
Caiden (7:00:44 PM): [cai doesnt have one so i hope nix means cell]
Caiden (7:01:05 PM): I didn't bother to move other than to go get my boxers on. The sheet was too warm, anyways.
Phoenix (7:01:21 PM): (hahahaha ok)
Phoenix (7:01:52 PM): I ordered a meal for me and what I remembered to be Cai's favorite. They said they'd be there soon so I hung up and went to sit cross-legged on the couch.
Caiden (7:04:26 PM): Sitting with my legs pulled up, I glanced at him skeptically, letting the smoke out of my nose. "What are the chances of dying before 30 on these things?"
Phoenix (7:05:24 PM): I shrugged. "Pretty good if you smoke a pack a day. But I'm sure if you wanted death that bad you could always go get into a car accident."
Caiden (7:06:08 PM): Shrugging a little. "SoI've got about 2 years left till I'm dead? Usually its two packs a day."
Phoenix (7:08:13 PM): "I guess so. Good for you." I stood at the window and looked outside.
Caiden (7:09:55 PM): "Not really... i was kind of hoping the odds wouldn't be so bad. The fuckers are addictive, yaknow?"
Phoenix (7:13:45 PM): "Yeah, I know, Cai. I smoke them too." A small smirk came to my face as I brushed a hand through my hair.
Caiden (7:15:09 PM): "I'm sorry abbout earlier... Chuck's a dick sometimes."
Phoenix (7:15:42 PM): "I don't care enough about him to give a shit, Cai."
Caiden (7:16:08 PM): I frowned a little, "Then what was with the drinks?"
Phoenix (7:19:21 PM): I glanced at you. "Drinking for fun, Cai. Ever heard of it?"
Caiden (7:20:01 PM): "Thought there might be a reason... sorry..." My voice dropped off and my gaze flickered to the screen, rubbing at the bruise on my neck and wishing it would stop hurting.
Caiden (7:22:19 PM): "Thanks for staying for our set, though..."
Phoenix (7:24:54 PM): I smiled a bit. "I was there for you...and you blew me away..."
Caiden (7:25:18 PM): I felt my cheeks go a little red. "I'm not that good."
Phoenix (7:26:09 PM): "You don't give yourself credit. Ah, there's our food." I went to the door as the car pulled up, taking out money as the guy came up with a box full of food. I paid him and came back inside, kicking the door shut.
Caiden (7:26:33 PM): "When'd you order food?"
Phoenix (7:30:04 PM): I laughed. "When you were in your room." I set the boxes out on the table and threw the big one out in the garbage. Then I sat in front of the couch, sliding cartons over to him and taking my own.
Caiden (7:30:50 PM): Peeking over, I sighed. "I can't eat all this, yaknow..." and I grabbed the plastic fork.
Caiden (7:32:39 PM): I offered a small smile and whispered a thanks, scooping out some beef fried rice.
Phoenix (7:33:11 PM): I grinned. "Well, then horde it in your room for later."
Caiden (7:33:55 PM): "Yeah, cuz if I put it in the fridge my mom will think its free range."
Phoenix (7:34:50 PM): "You can have a midnight snack." I winked. "Or a few actually."
Caiden (7:35:53 PM): I pulled my legs up and sat with the container balanced on my knees, eating maybe a little too fast.
Phoenix (7:38:35 PM): "Hey, slow down, Cai love..." I touched his shoulder. "No one's going to take it from you..." I said softly, knowingly.
Caiden (7:38:58 PM): Pouting a little, I looked at him. "I can't help it, I didn't eat today."
Phoenix (7:42:47 PM): I nodded. "Yeah...I noticed that..."
Caiden (7:43:38 PM): "I don't really think about it, I have other things on his mind..." Like right now, I was thinking about how he had puthis hand on my shoulders.
Caiden (7:43:44 PM): shoulder-
Caiden (7:48:50 PM): my mind-
Phoenix (7:52:07 PM): "I understand that..."I squeezed his shoulder for a moment then dropped my hand to continue eating.
Caiden (7:53:31 PM): Shivering a little, I swallowed down my food, "Chuck thought I let you fuck me."
Caiden (7:55:11 PM): My voice was blunt and quiet.
Phoenix (7:58:42 PM): I gazed at him, fork just to my lips. "Well, he assumes a lot, doesn't he?" I took a bite of the food.
Caiden (8:00:02 PM): "Yeah... he does." I sighed and looked down, poking the rice with my fork.
Phoenix (8:01:35 PM): I continued eating quietly. I didn't give a flying fuck what Chuck thought anymore. But I couldn't help wishing I'd just been around when he'd said that.
Caiden (8:02:04 PM): "He's mad at me." I said softly.
Phoenix (8:05:08 PM): I quirked a brow and glanced over at him. "What for?"
Caiden (8:05:26 PM): "Because he doesn't believe me when I said we...we didn't..."
Phoenix (8:08:51 PM): I shrugged. "He doesn't believe you, then he should come to me..." My voice was bitter and I didn't hide it.
Caiden (8:09:57 PM): "I don't think that'd be a good idea."
Phoenix (8:10:54 PM): "No...it wouldn't be...But he wants to assume shit, he can. We know that truth, and that's all that matters to me." I stabbed a piece of chicken and popped it into my mouth.
Caiden (8:12:11 PM): Sighing a little bit, I whispered to myself so only I could hear. "Wish we had."
Phoenix (8:18:48 PM): (bad cai! lolol)
Phoenix (8:19:21 PM): I heard him mutter something but didn't pay any mind. I tried to keep an interest in my food, though my appetite was a bit diminished.
Caiden (8:19:56 PM): I let the carton of my food flop down onto the table, shutting it.
Phoenix (8:21:55 PM): Peeking at him out of the corner of my eye, I stared at him for a long moment. You deserve better, Twink, I thought to myself. You deserve so much better...
Caiden (8:24:51 PM): I pulled my legs up and laid against the arm of the chair, hearing the doorknob jingle. Shutting the TV off, I grabbed my food and got up.
Phoenix (8:26:48 PM): "Well, guess that's my cue." I grabbed up the cartons and headed to your room silently.
Caiden (8:27:44 PM): Shutting my door, I heard the front one bang opena dn my mother giggle, a guys voice through the air. Making a face, I sat down on my rumpled bed and sighed.
Phoenix (8:30:24 PM): I set the cartons down on the desk and took a seat in the chair again. "We could always go to my hotel for the night, if you don't wanna be here hearing that shit..."
Caiden (8:31:49 PM): A small slam against the wall sounded thorugh the air and I swallowed, nodding. "Yeah..."
Phoenix (8:35:54 PM): I tucked stuff into my bag, going to the window and opening it. "After you."
Caiden (8:36:48 PM): Grabbing a change of clothes, I tugged on some jeans and didn't bother with a shirt as I crawled out.
Phoenix (8:38:14 PM): I followed after him, bag hoisted over my shoulder, and shut the window after us. Climbing down after him, I was grateful I could take him away...if only for a night...just to give him a small sense of peace.
Caiden (8:39:05 PM): It was pitch black out, the parking lot now filled. "Surprised she even came home before one."
Phoenix (8:40:18 PM): I shook my head a bit, popping the lot on my car and tossing stuff into the backseat, then getting into the driver's side.
Caiden (8:40:49 PM): I kept my messenger bag with me, sighing when i found my pack of cigarettes empty.
Phoenix (8:41:34 PM): I looked over, opening the console between us. "There...take em...you need em more than I do."
Caiden (8:42:29 PM): "I probably need them less." I held onto my arm for a moment before reaching out and taking one.
Phoenix (8:46:03 PM): I shrugged. "Either way...you can have em." I pulled away from the curb, driving in the direction of the hotel.
Caiden (8:51:30 PM): I nodded and lit one up despite myself, wshovig the pack into my bag.
Phoenix (9:12:20 PM): The hotel came into view shortly and I pulled over into the turn lane.
Caiden (9:14:13 PM): Looking up, "You're staying THERE?"
Phoenix (9:16:33 PM): I glanced at him. "Yeah...why?"
Caiden (9:17:31 PM): "It's a really nice hotel... thats all..." My voice was low.
Phoenix (9:18:38 PM): "Oh...I never really thought about it...it was just the closest one.."I shrugged, brushing it off as I turned into the parking lot.
Caiden (9:19:20 PM): He had money... he had a car... he had a lot of things I didn't. He could fly here and stay for a week and not think anything about a job back home.
Phoenix (9:22:10 PM): I pulled into a reserved spot and got out, once more collecting my bags and waiting for him as I got out my card key.
Caiden (9:24:13 PM): I put my arms over my chest, covering the skin, and put my bag over my shoulder as I shut the door-
Phoenix (9:26:19 PM): Heading inside, I held open the door for him then went over to the elevator, pushing the button for the top floor.
Caiden (9:46:20 PM): I stood there with no shirt on and my tattered chucks and bit on my thumb, looking around.
Phoenix (9:47:17 PM): The elevator doors slid open and I stepped inside, leaning against the wall.
Caiden (9:50:41 PM): I sighed and kept my head down, stepping in past a man in asuit.
Phoenix (9:51:32 PM): The ride wasn't long, the man getting out a few floors below us. Then the doors opened again and I stepped out.
Caiden (9:52:07 PM): "So you're in London with Kendall?" I asked softly, trying to get my mind off of how out of place I felt.
Phoenix (9:53:17 PM): I nodded. "Yeah, he's starting Uni. And me...I'm just living life...working at a little place in central London."
Caiden (9:54:47 PM): "What kind of place?"
Phoenix (9:56:33 PM): "A bookshop actually." I smiled a bit. "I like it...it relieves dull moments."
Caiden (9:57:37 PM): I stopped with him at the door and looked down the hallway. Two little girls were staring at me from down the way.
Phoenix (9:58:30 PM): I slid the key into the lock and looked over. "Hey there, Molly...Ginger..." I winked at them as I got the door open.
Caiden (9:58:56 PM): "You know them?"
Caiden (9:59:36 PM): I walked into the hotel room and sighed, feeling like something dirty in something perfectly clean.
Phoenix (10:00:21 PM): "They've been here about a week...on vacation with their family...met him by the pool when they splashed me." I laughed, setting down my bags and taking out the cartons of food.
Caiden (10:02:34 PM): "So...wait... how long did you say you've been here?" I sat down, hugging my bad to me.
Phoenix (10:03:24 PM): "I've been here a few days...they were here before me. I talked to their mum when she apologized for them getting me wet."
Caiden (10:05:36 PM): "Oh," I looked down at my feet and kicked of my shoes.
Phoenix (10:07:08 PM): After I put the food in the fridge, I went over to my bag and picked out some clothes. "I'm gonna take a shower. Make yourself comfortable. Eat. Drink. Watch TV. Order room service. Whatever." I smiled and headed into the bathroom.
Caiden (10:08:09 PM): I nodded just a little bit and once he was gone, I stripped back to my boxers and laid stomach down on the comfortable bed.
Phoenix (10:09:42 PM): Getting out of my day old clothes, I stripped down and turned on the taps, waiting as the water warmed up.
Caiden (10:11:21 PM): I didn't bother with the TV, resting my cheek on the back of my hand upside down on the bed.
Phoenix (10:11:59 PM): Stepping in, I sighed at the feel of the water as it hit my skin, I rested my hands against the wall, head bent as I let it run over me.
Caiden (10:12:34 PM): Letting my curiosity get the best of me, I slid off the bed and sat down beside his bag. Digging through it, I sighed.
Phoenix (10:13:20 PM): I reached for the shampoo, lathering it into my hair and sighing in contentment.
Caiden (10:14:56 PM): I could feel tears sting behind my eyes just from the fact that everything he had was so nice... smelt so good... It could have been mine... I could of had him. But now... sure, he says he wants me... but why now? Has he even looked at me?
Phoenix (10:17:03 PM): I washed the shampoo out, thoughts once more flitting to him. He was still my Caiden...no matter what had happened in the past two years. And even if he was with Chuck...I'd never loved him more.
Caiden (10:19:07 PM): The tears fell and I bit on my lip, thumbing over a set of pictures in his bag.
Phoenix (10:21:21 PM): I lathered a washcloth and began to wash away sand and dirt from my skin. The pounding water wasn't washing away thoughts of him though. In the room next door...in my room...Fucking christ, James...stop thinking!
Caiden (10:23:46 PM): When I remembered everything... when I remembered him... my brother... all my friends. We were happy, weren't we? That's what she didn't want... anyone to be happy. I shoved the photos back inside the bag and took myself out onto the balcony.
Caiden (12:29:56 AM): Caiden (10:23:46 PM): When I remembered everything... when I remembered him... my brother... all my friends. We were happy, weren't we? That's what she didn't want... anyone to be happy. I shoved the photos back inside the bag and took myself out onto the balcony.
Phoenix (12:39:40 AM): I turned off the taps after a moment and got out of the shower, grabbing a towel and drying off, then frowning at the clothes I'd chosen, I took them back out to the room, kneeling down and going through my bag for different set.
Caiden (12:41:43 AM): As I sat on the porch, I glanced inside and instantly regretting it.
Phoenix (12:47:07 AM): Picking through the clothes, I crinkled my nose at most of them. It was fucking hot. Why in the hell hadn't I packed shorts and shit? Was I that dense? I held onto the side of my towel and rifled through a pile of shirts.
Caiden (12:47:35 AM): I diverted my eyes and wiped at my cheeks, the cool breeze from the ocean nearby comforting.
Phoenix (12:49:59 AM): Finally, I grabbed a tshirt I actually liked and some jeans. Going back into the bathroom, I quickly got changed and ruffled my hair a bit to get it out of my eyes before coming back out to the room. I saw him out on the balcony...looking like he wanted to be alone...so I crawled up onto the bed with a box of food and ate it while watching some music program.
Caiden (12:51:11 AM): My legs wouldn't move and I couldn't get myself to go back in there.
Phoenix (12:52:00 AM): The music program sucked, so I changed the channel. I nearly burst out laughing as Finding Nemo came on. Satisfied, I took another bite of the leftovers, a small smile on my face.
Caiden (12:52:51 AM): [i dont know if thatd be out then?]
Caiden (12:53:06 AM): [oh well.]
Caiden (12:53:24 AM): The cold didn't bother me, my legs icy as I let the breeze wash over me.
Caiden (12:54:11 AM): And if I could just get sick, maybe I would die and all this wouldn't matter. Nix being here wouldn't matter.
Phoenix (1:05:05 AM): (oh! hahahah never mind....er....Toy Story...lol)
Phoenix (1:07:14 AM): I glanced outside and frowned a little. He obviously didn't want to be around me anymore...so why exactly was I here?
Caiden (1:15:20 AM): I sniffed and dragged on the cigarettes Nix had giving me, more than half of the box was gone. Standing up, I let the the smoke trail out of my nose before opening the door.
Phoenix (1:19:10 AM): I ate quietly, no longer interested in the movie. Why in the hell was I here? I wasn't fixing anything...I was making it worse.
Caiden (1:20:00 AM): Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I rubbed at my arms, taking a shakier drag than the last.
Phoenix (1:23:49 AM): I glanced over at him, frown deepening. "You okay...?"
Caiden (1:24:51 AM): "Yeah, just cold out there..." I coughed and ground out my cigarette on the inside of the trashcan near me.
Phoenix (1:27:11 AM): I nodded a bit, taking another bite of food and then laughing slightly at the movie.
Caiden (1:28:51 AM): "Hey... do you mind if I get a shower in?"
Phoenix (1:31:58 AM): "No, go ahead." I smiled at him, biting into a piece of chicken.
Caiden (1:33:02 AM): "Thanks..." I sifted through my bag for the clean pair of boxers I'd brought and walked into the bathroom, pushing the door almost shut and stripping down.
Phoenix (1:34:20 AM): Going back to the movie, I set the food aside and put my arms behind my head. A part of me wondered if I wouldn't have just been better off staying in London...while a greater part of me knew I'd needed to see him.
Caiden (1:35:53 AM): I bite on the inside of my cheek as I slide my boxers off, moving them over the bruises on the insides of my thighs. These were my punishment and I deserved each and everyone of them. I turned the water on as hot as it would go, stinging my skin.
Caiden (1:36:29 AM): bit-
Phoenix (1:38:47 AM): I heard the water running and sighed. What I wouldn't give to be in there with him. But I stayed with my arse planted right on the damn bed, and busied myself with the damn kiddie movie.
Caiden (1:41:28 AM): "Fuck..." I saw the red run down the drain and closed my eyes, trying to breath.
Phoenix (1:46:23 AM): (:-()
Phoenix (1:46:49 AM): I bit at my lip, lighting a cigarette and dragging on it long and slow. I wanted this friendship to work. I really did...
Caiden (1:49:51 AM): Why did I let this happen... it wasn't the only time he'd hurt me. I was used to how he was... him shoving inside me dry... and yet I ended up torn up everytime he was done. Like every other time, I never noticed it until later. I washed myself off as best as I could, careful not to touch the welt on the inside of my left leg, and turned the taps off.
Phoenix (1:51:43 AM): I closed my eyes, taking a long drag and letting the smoke out slowly. This...fucking...sucked!
Caiden (1:52:30 AM): Not botherng with my hair, which was now a dark blonde from the water, I pulled on the fresh boxers and walked out, leaving the towel behind with spots of blood on it.
Phoenix (1:53:53 AM): I set aside the now stubbed cigarette and my eyes flicked open. And there he was. Wet...in boxers....and still as beautiful as ever. Though he'd never see that.
Caiden (1:54:44 AM): Throwing my boxers into my bag, I lit myself another one and came over to him, sitting beside him on the bed.
Phoenix (1:56:58 AM): "Hey...feel a bit better?" I asked without looking at him.
Caiden (1:57:54 AM): "Not really." I shruged a little and laid down on one side of the bed.
Phoenix (1:59:35 AM): I nodded. I'd expected an answer like that. Leaning against the pillow, I put my arms once more behind my head and tried to ignore how close he was...how close...and still too far away...
Caiden (2:00:18 AM): "How come we never fucked? I mean if you felt that way, how come you didn't try something with me?"
Caiden (2:00:31 AM): My voice was quiet and blunt, eyes trained on the TV.
Phoenix (2:01:07 AM): "Because no matter how I felt, it would never have made me jeopardize the friendship we had..."
Caiden (2:01:34 AM): I snorted a little bit, "You should have jeopardized the relationship."
Phoenix (2:05:28 AM): I glanced over, eyes searching his face. "You would have really wanted me to just fuck you...just like that? Just like Chuck? I can't be Chuck...sorry, Cai...I actually have what us human beings call feelings."
Caiden (2:06:31 AM): My eyes met his when I turned my head, "You know I didn't mean it like that, Phoenix."
Phoenix (2:07:59 AM): "Yeah...maybe not...but I couldn't have just taken you without any thought to how it'd end up. I would've rather not had you at all then lose the friendship we have."
Caiden (2:11:09 AM): "That's why you don't have me now."
Phoenix (2:13:05 AM): "Yeah...it is. And you don't think I regret that?" I looked away again. "I regret it every morning I wake up and don't have you next to me."
Caiden (2:13:28 AM): "You should." I was bitter, I admit it, and I wasnt going to bother hiding how I felt.
Phoenix (2:14:38 AM): I nodded. "Yeah, I know."
Caiden (2:16:03 AM): I turned my head away again, I couldn't look at him. holding a pillow in my lap, I played with the ends of it-
Phoenix (2:17:22 AM): I gazed out the window. I wanted to be able to just take him. Hell...I'd debated it a thousand times in my head. And then in his room I'd kissed him and he'd pushed me away. Now he asked why I hadn't fucked him...? I frowned...saddened and lost...
Caiden (2:18:23 AM): Turning on my side, I faced towards the door to the hall and put my cigarette out once more as I hugged the pillow to myself.
Phoenix (2:19:24 AM): I resigned myself to lying down, even though I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths...and tried to ignore the fact that he was within an arm's length away...
Caiden (2:20:26 AM): I started to sing a song to myself... one I'd written and had yet to play... and just stared at the door, hugging the pillow tighter.
Phoenix (2:28:17 AM): I heard his voice and sighed a little. He made my heart ache...terribly.
Caiden (2:30:24 AM): The song was about you... I'd written it when you'd left. I'd shown it to chuck once... hoped he would let us pplay it... but he knew it was about you.
Phoenix (2:31:55 AM): I listened to the words...but that only made me hurt more. What in the world did I have to do to make him see...?
Caiden (2:32:52 AM): [im gonna use a backstreet boy song for like two seconds and its gonna be corny. pretend its caidens]
Caiden (2:34:17 AM): "Take a picture of what you think of love looks like...." I was going to start crying again and I was trying so hard to forget. The words fell out of my mouth like word vomit.
Caiden (2:46:26 AM): think love*****
Phoenix (2:50:39 AM): My heart slammed in my chest. He was torturing me, plain and simple.
Caiden (2:51:24 AM): Turning over to face him, I stared at his back and sighed. Closing my mouth, I bit on my cheek to stop myself.
Phoenix (2:56:50 AM): I laid there, wanting to touch him...wanting to hold him...kiss him...make it better. Show him I was worthy of the chance to call him mine.
Caiden (2:57:51 AM): "You really think I'm good?" I asked softly.
Phoenix (3:00:38 AM): "I think you're better than most people out there who actually have record deals...and much better than your lead singer..you have passion, Cai...something he lacks..."
Caiden (3:04:06 AM): I sat up a little agianst the pillows and sighed, looking at the TV. "It's his band."
Phoenix (3:07:20 AM): "Yeah...well...I guess he puts his pride before true talent.." I shrugged a little, forcing myself not to look at him.
Caiden (3:07:54 AM): "I just play the bass... I mean thats not much..." I didn't talk about my writing... I didn't want to.
Phoenix (3:09:27 AM): "Whatever you say, Cai..."
Caiden (3:11:25 AM): I slid off the bed and went for the fried rice again, grabbing my fork out of the container as I opened it.
Phoenix (3:19:58 AM): I stayed there...unmoving....staring outside.
Caiden (3:21:13 AM): I plopped down onto the bed again, this time a little closer, and ate my rice. It didn't bother me that it was cold.
Phoenix (3:22:08 AM): I felt him behind me. I knew he was closer this time. And still...too fucking far for me to risk touching...
Caiden (3:27:31 AM): "You're not going to sleep, are you?"
Phoenix (3:28:07 AM): "No, probably not."
Phoenix (3:28:17 AM): "I don't sleep much anymore." I shrugged.
Caiden (3:28:42 AM): "Good, neither do I." I ate some more and sighed.
Phoenix (3:29:44 AM): It was beautiful out...dark and beautiful...and I missed being able to look at him without my heart breaking.
Caiden (3:30:42 AM): "You could have me, you know... just for tonight... If you promise you'll forget about me and go home, Phoenix...."
Phoenix (3:32:49 AM): "Then I don't want you at all."
Caiden (3:33:24 AM): I set my chinese food down and sat up on my knees, moving over him and sitting on his side. "Are you sure?"
Phoenix (3:34:19 AM): I glared up at him. "You are being more hurtful than I can even say...Get off me, Caiden."
Caiden (3:34:30 AM): "Why should I?"
Caiden (3:35:37 AM): I didn't move, my eyes staring into his.
Phoenix (3:36:17 AM): "Because I'm not just gonna take you for the hell of it. My love means a bit more to me than that...sorry if you don't give a damn."
Caiden (3:37:09 AM): "I'm asking you too..." I leaned down and kissed at his ear, letting the sadistic and cruel side get to me.
Phoenix (3:39:17 AM): I shoved him off me, not caring if I hurt him. Then I was up and getting my bag together.
Caiden (3:40:19 AM): I wanted to be close to him and I didn't know how to do it without getting hurt. If it didn't mean anything to him... I could... I slid off the bed and grabbed his hips when he stood up.
Phoenix (3:41:40 AM): "Don't do this to me...Don't you fucking dare. You have your boyfriend. Be miserable with him. *shoves your hands away and picks up bag, throwing stuff into it*
Caiden (3:42:14 AM): "When you left me, Phoenix.... I loved you when you left me."
Phoenix (3:44:10 AM): I stopped for a moment. "Well, that's obviously all gone now if you could do that to me..." I zipped up the bag. "Goodbye, Caiden. You wanted me gone so I'm going. Have a wonderfully miserable life with Chuck." I headed to the door.
Caiden (3:47:34 AM): "Everything was about you. I dreamt about you, I thought about you when I fell asleep everynight, I wrote about you, sang about you, prayed for you when I realized you were gone." I was sobbing now, letting it get to me.
Phoenix (3:49:32 AM): I closed my eyes, and stopped with my hand on the doorknob. "Obviously...it's all better now...and you can just use and abuse me...to get me back...nope...sorry..not interested, Caiden...
Caiden (3:50:53 AM): "Nothing ever gets better." I whispered, shaking my head. "I wanted to make you hurt. I wanted to push you and make you hate me so maybe we could forget."
Phoenix (3:54:11 AM): "Well, sad thing is...I can't hate you...not ever...no matter what you do... and I can't forget....but I can go away...because obviously that's what you want."
Caiden (3:59:05 AM): Clenching my jaw a little I nodded, stepping forward and grabbing his cheeks. I leaned up and kissed him.
Phoenix (4:00:24 AM): I stiffened. Every last part of me wanted to kiss him back. Every last part...and I couldn't stop myself.
Caiden (4:01:06 AM): I parted my lips against his and kisses at his bottom lip wetly. My stomach met his just lightly.
Phoenix (4:02:01 AM): My arms went almost instinctively around him and I kissed him back. God, he tasted better than I'd imagined...
Caiden (4:02:55 AM): I pulled my liops back and moved them to his ear. "Please fuck me, Phoenix..."
Phoenix (4:04:55 AM): I stiffened again. "You...have Chuck...I shouldn't even be here."
Caiden (4:05:27 AM): "I bet you're really good..." I whispered hotly, my hands sinking low on his back.
Phoenix (4:07:25 AM): I grabbed his wrists. "Yeah...and you're not finding out." I pushed him away.
Caiden (4:08:08 AM): "That hurt, you fucker!" I rubbed at my wrists, my heart clenching harshly in my chest.
Phoenix (4:09:25 AM): "Yeah...good! Go fuck your useless boyfriend. I'm not being a goddamne fuck toy, not for you!" I grabbed my bag. "Find your way home." I stalked to the door again.
Caiden (4:10:42 AM): "How much did you think about me, huh? How many times did I change in front of you and you had to hide a fucking hardon from me? You've thought about it! I know you have! Do you always think about me when you're wanking all alone in your rich fucking flat back in London?!"
Phoenix (4:12:14 AM): I turned and glared at him, tears burning in my eyes. "You...aren't even worth that." I sneered. "I am sorry I ever came back for you. You turned into a fucking monster!" Withat that I left the room, slamming the door shut behind me.
Caiden (4:13:18 AM): I opened the door and screamed after him, "I'M THIS WAY BECAUSE YOU WERE MY WORLD, PHOENIX JAMES! YOU WERE EVERYTHING! YOU WERE THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERED AND YOU LET HER TAKE YOU AWAY!"
Phoenix (4:15:11 AM): I stopped dead in my tracks, shoulders sagging. "Yeah...blame it all on me....blame everything on me...I tried to protect you and I'm a useless fuck...well, this useless fuck is leaving, Caiden....for good...and you won't have to worry about him messing up your life anymore."
Caiden (4:16:33 AM): "I'm already fucked up, Phoenix! I don't recognize myself anymore! It doesn't matter what you do because i'm not anyone you can love. He doesn't love me... no one will!"
Phoenix (4:18:08 AM): I turned back to look at him...the final time..."You're wrong...because until the day I die, you will be the only one is this world that I ever loved..." I turned away again. It was back to the semblance of a life I had in London.
Caiden (4:19:06 AM): Sinking down against the wall, I tried to control my breathing... tried so hard not to let myself go over the edge. My head pounded and my stomach clenched.
Phoenix (4:20:08 AM): I walked away. It was the hardest fucking thing I'd ever done. Worse than last time. Because last time I'd thought he didn't care...and now...now it all hurt so bad I actually felt numb.
Caiden (4:21:12 AM): "Phoenix..." My voice came out in a loud sob, holding my knees to my chest.
Phoenix (4:22:02 AM): I closed my eyes. Don't stop, James....Just keep walking...DO NOT...do not...My feet stopped on the carpet, but I didn't turn.
Caiden (4:22:39 AM): "Don't leave me again... please... please don't leave me... don't let me turn into nothing..."
Phoenix (4:24:43 AM): I swallowed hard, over the lump in my throat, and the bag fell from my hand. I realized he could hurt me till I bled and I'd never hate him...I'd never be able to love him any less. With a sigh I went over to him and scooped him into an embrace.
Caiden (4:25:26 AM): I fell against him like a used up ragdoll, my hands clenching athis shirt.
Phoenix (4:26:09 AM): Encircling my arms around him tightly, I pressed my cheek to his hair. No matter what, I couldn't let him go. I just didn't have it in me.
Caiden (4:26:45 AM): I was breaking again... how I'd done a million times in my mind and never let myself do.
Phoenix (4:27:56 AM): I stroked over his back softly, kissing his forehead. I vowed not to leave him again. I didn't care about Chuck. I didn't care about his mum...or my aunt. Fuck them all.
Caiden (4:29:30 AM): "H-He hurts me.... and she ignores me..." I choked on my own words, "I just want to be normal... I'm sick of being who everyone shits on."
Phoenix (4:30:08 AM): Sighing, I pulled back a little, cupping his cheeks. "Believe in me, Caiden...please...I can help you be you again..."
Caiden (4:30:33 AM): I shook my head and closed my eyes, "I can't believe in anything."
Phoenix (4:31:09 AM): I closed my eyes for what felt like the hundredth time. "Fine..."
Caiden (4:31:37 AM): "I h-haven't in a long time..."
Phoenix (4:31:56 AM): I nodded. "Fine...:
Caiden (4:32:13 AM): "Just stay with me... at least tonight..."
Phoenix (4:32:26 AM): "Yeah...okay..."
Caiden (4:32:46 AM): I swallowed and nodded a little, sighing heavily.
Phoenix (4:33:27 AM): I let go of him and went to get my bag, hoisting it back up again and going once more into my hotel room. I threw the bag aside and got into bed fully clothed.
Caiden (4:33:58 AM): Following, I was cracking my knuckles nervously.
Caiden (4:34:15 AM): "Promise me you won't leave before I wake up?"
Phoenix (4:34:37 AM): "I wasn't going to." I kicked off my shoes and and laid back.
Caiden (4:35:01 AM): "How was I supposed to know that?" I sat down on the bed again, not bothering with the covers.
Phoenix (4:35:42 AM): I shrugged, putting my arms behind my head and closing my eyes. "Night, Caiden."
Caiden (4:36:18 AM): "Goodnight, Phoenix... "I said reluctantly, laying on my right side.
Phoenix (4:36:45 AM): I wouldn't sleep. I knew that. But I could pretend. I'd gotten good at that.
Caiden (4:37:36 AM): Closing my eyes, I let myself fall into a hazy sleep. I was half in and half out.
Phoenix (4:38:36 AM): I felt myself drifting somewhat and I succumbed to whatever it was that fell over me.
Caiden (4:40:23 AM): I felt myself jerk awake and sighed, sitting there with a layer of sweat on my body in the obviously cool room.
Phoenix (4:40:59 AM): I'd turned on my side sometime in the middle of the night, one arm thrown out at my side, almost touching his arm.
Caiden (4:41:35 AM): Looking over at you, I sighed. I wanted this to work.... I just wasn't sure how it could.
Phoenix (4:42:34 AM): Sighing in my sleep, I whispered your name almost mournfully, and curled up again.
Caiden (4:43:29 AM): My name on his lips made my stomach clench. I pulled my boxers off and reached over, puling him to me. Call me a sick fuck, I don't care. I wanted to feel him without the attachments.
Phoenix (4:44:08 AM): My brows furrowed and my eyes blinked open. "Wha' are you doing?" I asked sleepily.
Caiden (4:44:21 AM): "Nothing. Go back to sleep."
Phoenix (4:45:12 AM): I frowned. "Fine...." I mumbled, my eyes slipping closed again.
Phoenix signed on at 12:46:40 PM.
Caiden (12:48:06 PM): Caiden (4:44:21 AM): "Nothing. Go back to sleep."
Phoenix (4:45:12 AM): I frowned. "Fine...." I mumbled, my eyes slipping closed again.
Caiden (12:48:20 PM): Lowering my hands on his sides, I gently pushed his pants down.
Phoenix (12:49:56 PM): I mumbled something in my sleep and pressed my head more into the pillow, eyes fluttering a bit.
Caiden (12:50:57 PM): I smiled just a little to myself, tugging them over his feet and off. My fingers moved to his shirt, trying to pull it over his head without waking him up completly.
Phoenix (12:52:22 PM): My brows furrowed, shaking head a bit and crinkling my nose. But it felt like a dream. I was lost behind my eyes. And I wasn't quite sure what I was feeling...
Caiden (12:54:14 PM): Tossing his shirt onto the ground, I wasn't sure if I should bother with anything else. Curling against his back, I wrapped my arm across his side and slid my leg between his.
Phoenix (1:06:28 PM): Sighing in my sleep, I pushed my head up under the pillow. I felt the warmth of someone behind me, but thought nothing of it. It was just a dream...that's all...
Caiden (1:07:54 PM): I fell asleep like that, me completly naked and him in his boxers. It didn't matter to me what he'd say when he woke up.
Phoenix (1:15:37 PM): I felt sunlight prickling in on me and blinked my eyes open. Then I felt arms around me...and I looked back...and my own eyes opened wide.
Caiden (1:16:36 PM): The entire night I stayed completly pressed against him, not moving.
Phoenix (1:23:21 PM): I furrowed my brows, moving away from him and quickly throwing a sheet over him.
Caiden (1:24:23 PM): Turning on my side I let out a whimpery sound and pulled the sheet tight.
Phoenix (1:29:40 PM): I didn't even want to know how I'd gotten down to my boxers, but I had a feeling it dealt with how quick he was to tell me to go back to sleep. I sat up in bed against the headboard and gazed down at my hands.
Caiden (1:31:25 PM): I opened my eyes and looked at the door across the way. For a split moment I wondered why I was naked. Swallowing, I sat up and remembered what I'd done last night.
Phoenix (1:35:06 PM): I glanced at him, face set sternly. "So...was that fun for you...?"
Caiden (1:35:48 PM): Scooting back more towards the edge of the bed, I brought my eyes to his, "Was what fun to me?"
Caiden (1:35:58 PM): for-
Phoenix (1:41:58 PM): "Whatever the hell you did! Taking my clothes off! Getting naked! Using me in my fucking sleep!"
Caiden (1:43:25 PM): "USING you??"
Phoenix (1:44:45 PM): I raised a brow. "Yeah...that's what I said. For whatever gain you got from that."
Caiden (1:45:11 PM): I snorted and shook my head, standing up and grabbing my boxers before going into the bathroom.
Phoenix (1:49:44 PM): I sat there....half angry at him...half angry at myself for even staying. I'd been pulled in by that bullshit yesterday about him needing me...Yeah....I knew what he needed me for now....to get off...
Caiden (1:50:27 PM): I pulled my boxers on and made a frustrated sound, running a hand through my hair before I came back out. "What exactly do you think went on?"
Phoenix (1:54:03 PM): "How the fuck should I know?! I woke up and you were pressed against me naked...and I was wearing far less clothing than I remember when I went to bed..."
Caiden (1:54:43 PM): "I asked what you THOUGHT happened, not if you knew!"
Phoenix (1:55:22 PM): "I don't think anything happened! Fuck...sorry if I was just a bit surprised waking up to you naked and wrapped around me!"
Caiden (1:56:15 PM): I wrapped my arms around my middle, feeling somewhat exposed. "It was stupid. Alright? Fucking stupid."
Phoenix (1:57:31 PM): "Why'd you do it, Cai...? I mean....I thought you were all for being friends...and all that rubbish..."
Caiden (1:58:07 PM): "I don't know..." my voice was a whisper.
Phoenix (2:07:01 PM): I frowned a little. "I'm sorry...that I yelled at you...I...it wasn't horrible...."
Caiden